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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't cope with him anymore

3 replies

daisydoing · 22/09/2019 21:29

My partner and I have been together for over 4 years, we have a 14 month old daughter. I love him but I don't know how much longer this is going to work. Through all the years I've known him he's struggled with his mental health, he gets better and worse, it's very up and down but when he's not doing well it gets really difficult. Lately he's been so sensitive, anything I say can "set him off" and then he wonders why I'm avoiding him. Then yesterday I told him I was taking our daughter to see my mum next weekend, he got upset that I was going without him, it spiralled into him being insisting that meant I didn't love him because I didn't want to around him, honestly I just want some time with my mum and some space to breath for a couple days. He then started suggested he was going to harm himself, he says his a lot without actually doing it, to the point I think he's doing it to get his way. I feel like I'm taking care of him as well as our daughter most the time, I'm always worrying about him and I just can't cope with it anymore but I'm very worried about how he'd react if I broke up with him

OP posts:
stacking1 · 22/09/2019 21:37

God that is draining, Thanks for u.

Been in similar situation, DC around the same age and MH issues and it can be very draining and exhausting.

I hope he's getting the correct help- this was a big thing for me in the end, can't help someone who isn't helping themselves. Also ask yourself are his needs coming before your own ? If so then change that because yours clearly aren't before his own feelings.

I don't have great advice. But now being away from the situation I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I noticed things that I'd do to please him that I don't need to do anymore (little white lies to stop him kicking off). Have only been away from the situation for around 2 months so fairly recent but totally get what your feeling.

daisydoing · 22/09/2019 21:57

He is going to therapy sessions but he doesn't seem to be putting in the work outside of them if that makes sense. His needs do usually come before my own, I always end up feeling guilty when I do something for myself

OP posts:
Itsallgonewoowoo · 22/09/2019 22:07

My Dh's dad was like that. His mum left him and took DH with her. It was tough to begin with but actually they co-parented very well and it also protected DH from the worst of his father. It was only when he was an adult that he fully understood his dad's problems. If his DM had stayed he would have had a very erratic childhood

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