Abusive dad update

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Some of you may have seen my posts about my ex husband trying to control my 16 year old daughter. She's just phoned me from his house in tears begging to come home because he's giving her a hard time. What has she done wrong? She wanted to meet her mates yesterday instead of going walking with him and his 50 odd year old friends. I've warned him that he's pushing her away but he doesn't listen. He's accused her of emotional blackmail because she said if he doesn't stop treating her like a 6 year old who he drags along to his social events she won't visit him any more. Apparently this is her kicking off when she doesn't get her own way.

I'm at my wit's end. I can't have her calling me from his house upset all the time. I think I should just tell her that she doesn't have to see him any more. It's sad that he can't step up and be a decent parent but I can't subject her to this any longer.

Do exactly that, she’s old enough to decide. Mines 14 and I let her decide for herself. He’s brought this on himself if he’s always getting on at her.

My 15 year old doesn't see her dad any more because he couldn't grasp that she was her own person and not just an accessory to show off to his friends and family. It happens. The misogynistic types can't cope when the girl children become independent women.

It's exactly that @Originallymeonly. I've warned him. He controlled me throughout our marriage and he's trying to do the same to her. I'm not standing for it.

Definitely give her the choice of whether to see him or not. She’s 16, it should be on her terms. She doesn’t have to spend time with his friends. Urgh!

Sorry, drip feeding but he also sprang on her when she was in the midst of storming out that he was planning on moving into his girlfriend's house and she would have to sleep in the dining room on the nights she was with him until they sell the house and buy one big enough for all of them! She is understandably not at all impressed with this.

I moved my husband and stepkids in with us but not until I'd had an extension built so that everyone could have their own bedroom. In what world does he even think this is ok?!

I can't subject her to this any longer.

You’re not subjecting her to anything, She’s 18 and the decision to visit him is hers and it is her prerogative if she continues to see him but neither of you can force or cajole him into being someone he isn’t.

As sad and unfair as his behaviour is, avoid being her crutch for her decision to stay in a
bad relationship.

She's 16, not 18. But yes, the same applies. My concern is that he will worm his way back in with promises that he'll change. He's done it before. And then she's back to square one when he starts acting like a twat again. I'd be a lot happier if she just made the decision to cut him off, but it has to be her decision.