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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i am so upset about friends splitting up

19 replies

grinningbear · 11/08/2007 10:49

i have no idea why i feel so bad, they are both not bothered, have gone from trying for another baby to splitting up over one little argument. things were far from perfect i suppose but i feel so bad about it.

there 3 dd's are caught in the middle of it totally devestated and my friend has a new partner lined up already.

i feel so bad for the dd's that they are not prepared to try and sort things out and cant believe that 8 years of marrage could be thrown away like that.

i know its not really any of my business but i just feel so sad about it all

OP posts:

allgonebellyup · 11/08/2007 13:10

youre right its none of your business

they know a lot more about it than you do, you are merely guessing at how sad it is, and perhaps it is good that your friend has found someone new?

EscapeFrom · 11/08/2007 13:11

Maybe he beats her senseless on a regular basis?

Original poster

grinningbear · 11/08/2007 13:24

i was only writing my feelings down, not looking to cause a argument. i know its none of my business thats why its written in confidence on here and im not saying all these things to my friend

and while i know things were not perfect i do know that he did not beat her up.

OP posts:

EscapeFrom · 11/08/2007 13:26

You don't though, grinningbear. That's the thing about relationships, something is always hidden from the outside world. Maybe they have been trying to fix this since their youngest was born, and they have both just had enough now?

moondog · 11/08/2007 13:26

It's very sad Grinning. i agree.
You sound like a good friend.

Original poster

grinningbear · 11/08/2007 13:35

think my hormones are all over the place just now (4 months preg ) i am finding a lot of things upsetting at the moment

i suppose a big part of it is also me being selfish because we did so much together as a group.

OP posts:

sleepfinder · 11/08/2007 18:21

You also mention that you feel sad for the 3 DDs. And I completely understand that...

bobsyouruncle · 11/08/2007 18:29

I can totally relate to how you feel. A couple we were very friendly with - holidays together, nights out etc - split up & I felt very upset about it at the time. I don't think it's selfish to feel sad about it, it's not as though you want them to stay together just to suit you! You feel sad for them, the dc involved, but also for losing the times you would have enjoyed as a group.

collision · 11/08/2007 20:00

My friend has just kicked her DH out and she has 3 girls and 14 years of marriage behind her.

It is desperately sad and no one could understand why she had booted him out.

When I chatted to her I found out

1 He told her on their honeymoon he didnt fancy her.

2 His libido is on the floor and he hates sex! (How they have 3 daughters is beyond me!)

3 He has kicked in every door of the house and frequently tipped his dinner over her!

4 He dragged her in front of the girls into the kitchen by the hair and poured 2 litres of lemonade over her!

i think she felt that if she had children she would be distracted by the fact that her marriage is a sham but now knows the girls will grow up and what will she do then?

We do not always know what is going on and I feel sad like you do but sometimes things like this are for the best.

Hope you areOK

LaDiDaDi · 11/08/2007 20:03

I think it's natural to feel a bit upset at this sort of thing. If you had no inkling that anything was wrong in their relationship then it makes you wonder if something similar could happen to your relationship. The important thing is, as others have said, you don't really know what was going on between them, chances are they were having loads of problems but were just putting on a public front.

at what collision describes, how awful for your friend.

anisha · 14/08/2007 08:22

Why are school mums ignoring me? I thought I was beginning to be accepted by the click at school, but just before the holidays the mum I was close to started to ignore me. On the last day I said to her to contact me if they were all going out, and they haven't. I don't know what I've done and it's reallt getting me down. I'm afraid to contact her as I know she will tell the other mums and they'll all be talking about me. They have bitched about another mum in the click and maybe that's what they are doing that to me. my child doesn't really play with their kids either.

moljam · 14/08/2007 08:27

anisha are you on right thread?

anniemac · 14/08/2007 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

anniemac · 14/08/2007 12:50

This reply has been deleted

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robin3 · 14/08/2007 12:55

Grinningbear...I'd be very sad too. Think the point you're making is that the kids are the losers here which is sad regardless of the parents circumstances.

Original poster

grinningbear · 14/08/2007 21:02

thank you for understanding where i am coming from, i think because we spend so much time together and i thought i knew them so well it has made me fear for my own relationship in some weird way, kind of like if it can happen to them it could happen to me.

the children do seem to be suffering though the mum is so taken up with her new partner and the dad is going through a real angry stage about the hole thing, i am not really sure about what i can do though. i have had the girls round to play and for tea etc but i dont think i send them home to a very good atmosphere.

OP posts:

Original poster

grinningbear · 14/08/2007 21:03

whole

OP posts:

anniemac · 15/08/2007 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cestlavie · 15/08/2007 13:42

God yes, Anniemac couldn't agree more with your earlier comment. The hypocrisy of Mumsnet is absolutely staggering sometimes.

The woman here is leaving the marriage for another guy (or by coincidence has another lined up as her marriage ends) and not one comment about her maybe being a bit out of line to do so... if the situation was reversed this'd have 71 comments by now all calling the bloke a bastard.

Anyway, in answer to this, I think people find it really sad for a few reasons. They're sad for their friends because generally speaking, the end of any relationship is cause for sadness in some way (even if only for the wasted years). They're sad as it affects their actual lives in terms of social lives involving the other couple. And it's sad because it makes you realise how fragile relationships can be and maybe even makes you wonder about your own (i.e. J + J were so good together, if they can split up maybe anyone can)

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