I'm turning 30 and have never been in a relationship

[Questyun]

Hope my name change has worked!

Basically, I had my child at 17 with my first boyfriend. We broke up a few months later and he moved away with his parents (never seen since).

My family refused to support me as they were annoyed I went ahead with the pregnancy (I went ahead because I was led to believe by my boyfriend that I had his and his family's full support and the baby was very much wanted).

My child has disabilities which meant that specialist childcare was too expensive for me to do any socialising (I got tax credits which helped me through college, uni, then - and now - while working). Gradually, my friends stopped inviting me out as they were fed up of me declining.

My uni course and my career are very female-orientated. No men in my uni course and none in my current work environment.

My child is now approaching the teenage years and can manage to be on their own for brief amounts of time. They've also made some friends in recent years and will occasionally be asked over for sleepovers. I have had 5 Saturday nights to myself this year and have stayed in for all of them because I had nothing to do and no one to hang out with.

I want to start looking at dating again but for obvious reasons I am terrified of this. I've had a few one night stands over the last 13 years (on the rare times my parents agreed to babysit so I could go out for special occasions, got drunk and had safe sex) but haven't dated or been in a relationship since I was 17.

How do I go about meeting someone? In all honesty, i'd much rather meet someone 'naturally' and become friends first than go on a blind date or meet someone from online. Should I look at joining a club or class once a week to meet people?

Also, will it be completely off-putting for a guy that I've basically never been in an adult relationship?

I'm going to be 30 soon. My late teens and 20s were focused on getting my child to secondary in one piece, getting myself an education and career. I want my 30s to be about having a bit of freedom and getting some sort of social life.

Any tips? How do I go looking without it actually seeming to people that I'm looking? Worried about coming across as desperate.

Thanks.

I often get approached by men on public transport/coffee shops/parks etc. Many of them perfectly normal. Maybe ditch your car and eat lunch outside?

Join a meet up site. You'll make friends and possibly more, and maybe develop some new interests.

Says me! I haven't don't it yet, but I plan to

Who cares if you haven't had a relationship? You were focusing on the most important relationship you'll ever have - your DC.

Well done on everything you've achieved

Get on tinder and get chatting! I find tinder better than POF for the younger crowd (you are still young). It’s definitely more relationship oriented than it used to be. Good luck, OP, you sound lovely.

I am in awe Questyun what an amazing woman and mother you are. I hope that you know that and that confidence shines through. No idea about dating but have some fun and choose well - you deserve the best now.

I wouldn't knock OLD.

I was like you, although I had no kids. I didn't have a proper relationship until I met DH online when I was 29. I felt like a freak when all my friends at the time were in long term relationships or married and I had no experience of this. I had a good job, thought I was reasonably attractive and a nice person, thought I would make a good girlfriend but, for some reason, no serious takers!

I did speed dating, went out as much as I could, joined different groups...nothing. Oh I could have had ONS but I wasn't looking for that. To this day, I still don't know what was so 'wrong' about me.

Finally joined a number of dating sites and after meeting a few frogs finally met DH. Now, 7 years later, happily married with DS.

I would maybe join a site but do 'real world dating' at the same time. Nothing to lose!

Good luck

Also, will it be completely off-putting for a guy that I've basically never been in an adult relationship?

If a guy is put off for that reason then he’s an idiot and you’re better off without him

In all honesty OP I think you sound great.

You’re hard working, a good parent and you seem really reliable. Any guy would be lucky to have you!

I can understand your feelings about online dating however don’t completely rule it out just yet. I know plenty of people who have met their husbands/wives online and nowadays due to people’s busy lifestyles it can be ideal. It’s easier to weed out what you do/don’t want etc

What part of the country are you from?

Try MeetUp and start building up your social life. Having a group to go and do things with might be better than focusing on dating per se. It'll open up avenues and be more solid than a series of dates.

I mean, having no-one to hang out with is a problem that a bloke won't solve. It's too big a need for a burgeoning relationship. You need a social life, and also be dating alongside that.

I didn't have a relationship until I was 23. Then married him. No wonder I'm divorced!!! 😬

My friend swears by hinge and I had success on Match. It's good to put yourself out there. I'm a big believer in 'doing stuff to make shit happen' rather than waiting for it to happen.

Equally, don't worry about how long it takes. There's nothing wrong with being fussy! And love yourself!!

Men told me they weren't turned off by my lack of relationships and lack of marriages, even though they would be failed marriages, to them a failed former marriage is better than no marriages. One said I would have no understanding of what it takes to be in a relationship and I would run away at the first sign of trouble. You'll see on some of these dating shows on TV the men are skeptical of the women who haven't been in relationships. Its a real thing and I understand your concern. The best thing to do I suppose is to get out there and have some failed relationships so future men aren't scared away [said with slight sarcasm].

I think that you are amazing for everything you have achieved.

I don't have DC but in a similar position. Watching with interest.

Good luck!