Ill try to keep it brief, im 28, hes 26. Both have our own homes about 15 minutes drive away from eachother. He works full time from home with fully flexible hours. I work full time on an apprenticeships so one day a week at college, fixed hours and alot of work to do for college at home (ive done the whole college, uni, masters thing and this is MUCH more intense) i also have other responsibilities which take up alot of time in the evening such as my pets.
Been in a relationship 15 months, BF has a history of serious depression, things havent been easy for the last year but when things are good they are great. Hes funny and kind and generous and nobody can make me laugh like he can, if i need something he wouldnt think twice about buying it be, as a person he is amazing. BUT hes a man child IMO. His flexible schedule means he often sleeps until after noon, he doesnt cook and pretty much lives off take aways or at a push pie or chicken nuggets and chips, he doesnt clean or tidy up. Literally there was the same pile of washing on the floor for atleast 6 weeks, the laundry basket is right next to where he takes his clothes off. The bath and toilet got to the point there was mould (not even sure how its possible to have a mouldy toilet!!)
Anyway ive cut him alot of slack because of the depression, things came to a head in June and he finally went the doctors and went on antidepressants and got a referal for a psychiatrist (he pushed for the referal as hed prefer that to drugs, but he is taking his meds). Things improved in terms of his mood and things in that sense have been much better but He still hasnt sorted his referal out 3 months later...
A few weeks ago things came to a head again and i explained this isnt a life i want, i see a future where hes sleeping until noon and im doing all the cooking, cleaning etc if we ever lived together. I feel at this point we should be planning a life together in the next few years but we wouldnt last 5 minutes. Promised things would change, next weekend slept till noon again, house still a pig stye, more promises (and this point i find out that hes been lying to me about smoking for 6 weeks, this is the 2nd times hes lied to be about smoking. he quit in April i understand its an additction and relapses happen but after he lied to me the first time i cant be happy about it its just a reminder that he lied. if he wants to smoke now fine but i dont want him doing it in front of me or lying about it).
Get to this weekend and again stayed asleep until noon, went down washing all over the floor and dishes everywhere. NOTHING HAS CHANAGED dispite having the same conversation over and over again. I said we either need to talk and sort this out once or for all or the relationship is over because the stress and heartache isnt fair on either of us. When hes upset he goes silent rather than talking all i could get out of him was he didnt understand why things had to be done on my time table why cant he just tidy up today? we didnt see eachother yesterday because he slept until noon then somehow his "plan" is make it up to me was "we will do our own thing today and have a nice day tomorrow"
so i packed all my stuff up and left, i did make sure he knew i wasnt doing it to hurt him i was doing it because it wasnt fair on either of us to keep going through this every weekend. That i couldnt live the life he lives and hes clearly not ready to change and its not fair for me to keep trying to force him. It broke my heart to do it but i dont feel like i had any other choice. Its making me unhappy but worst of all its making me anxious, im at the point where i dread the weekend because i know ill be sitting at home heartbroken that hes not made the effort to get up again and i dread going his house because i know nothing will have changed and it will be a pig stye again (im by no means a clean freak, my house is well lived in but who leaves dishes with left over food on in the livingroom for over a week?)
After i left he messaged me and said this isnt forever, he loves me and will fix it and achknowledged he hasnt made the effort it should have to change. He asked if it can be a break rather than a breakup, i said lets give it a couple of weeks to focus on ourselves and take it from there.
Was i wrong to walk away? its so hard to know where the depression ends and the bone idle man child begins. but on the other hand he should of sorted the referal out by now!
I have no experience with counselling but im wondering if we do decided to give it another shot is counselling worth it? could it help? It seems like such a waste for the relationship to be permanently over because he doesnt understand that its more than a few dishes and some washing to me, its foreshadowing a lifetime of being his baby sitter.
I miss him so much already, just being with him makes me feel better when im sad. I want a future with him, but not this future.
Do breaks in a relationship ever make man children grow up?