Am I being unreasonable

[KAT7545]

Am I being unreasonable when it’s my 20th wedding anniversary and my daughter is 14 next week and he’s now working till 830 on that evening and isn’t bothered at all .. thinking will go and visit both our families and maybe take her out for an early tea and catch up with her dad later as don’t want to wait in all evening

Sorry I'm not sure what you are asking here. Is it his daughter? Are birthday and anni on the same day?

Genuinely don't understand your post.

Does he have to work late or has he chosen to do so? Can you do something at the weekend instead?

He works for a friend and yes he decided too, he doesn’t have too, yes it is our daughter, tea it’s our anniversary the same night, sorry to confuse, thanks we may go out at the weekend, but she is planning to have friends over, just wondered if it’s unfair on us really that he’s working

I think you're going to find it easier to communicate your situation and concerns if you type in complete sentences. I had to read each of your posts several times and even then had to try and fill in some of the blanks myself.

Your posts obviously make sense to you because you know what's going on, but they're not very clear.

With what you've given, it's hard to say whether he's being unreasonable. Although it does seem a little late to be working by choice on his daughter's birthday (I don't do anniversaries so that's less of an issue for me).

Re daughter, can you do something in the morning before he goes to work, breakfast followed by birthday cake (and candles) and presents. And she can have friends round after school for a snack tea, film and popcorn and he can wish her happy birthday again when he comes home late from work.

Re your anniversary, if you wanted to do something big would it not have been better at a weekend when you have more time and had properly arranged it?

He doesn’t seem bothered tbh. What about your daughter has friends round on Friday night again if she likes and Saturday afternoon you go round to both sets of dp’s. Or if the daughter prefers she can have a sleep over with pals at yours after you return from dps on Saturday.
I don’t think a kid should have to celebrate their birthday in a different day but an anniversary isn’t so much date related if a weekend suits better. It would have been nice if he’s wanted to do something but perhaps he’s not romantic or you didn’t speak out your expectations or how much this means to you so he didn’t know.

Could he be saying he’s working but is instead arranging something romantic?

Thanks for your comments and taken it all onboard, my daughters 14 and goes for the bus at 8 in the morning and he goes off at 630, so abit difficult to celebrate in the morning, I’m just a tad annoyed as I have to organise everything as if he was home we would have gone out for dinner in the evening just us 3 and then her and I went and seen both grandparents after school, things change I know when they get older as he used to be here for the birthdays when she was younger, he’s taken on more work as he thrives on working, but I just say one day she will be grown up and gone and we will miss her, one of our daughters is at uni so we’ve just got her at home, I will sort something, nice to hear your ideas

Aye??

but I just say one day she will be grown up and gone and we will miss her,

Yes but you can't manage his relationship with her, you can only manage your own. And she will be aware of all of these things.

You've tried to include him, he isn't going along with it, so do something nice for her anyway.

Yep will do, it’s just nice to talk