I've been married for almost 20 years.
I've been a member of MN for a few years; lurking mostly, posted a little under a few user names.
I've realised from reading posts here that I am abused. Emotionally, verbally, financially and occasionally, physically.
I am frequently gaslighted. I thought I was losing my mind. I thought it was me; thyroid problems? menopause? Early dementia? But it isn't.
Its been stealthy, gradual and has very slowly escalated. Until now I am well and truly trapped. I am the classic "frog in a pot".
I have no confidence, no options (going to change that) and no money of my own at all. I am almost 50, my employment prospects are dwindling.
I gave up a fairly good career to support his very successful one. I was a fool.
We moved away from family.
I lost my accent, stay slim and try to look good all the time. I am never good enough; as a wife, mother or person.
We have 4 DC. I realised how bad things were just as the oldest started year 11. The next few years will be GCSEs And A levels almost continually. I feel that I can't break up our home right now. So, I'll carry on in this until the DC are done with exams.
I've read so many threads on here of women with one or two DC who are starting to go through what I have. They are so "lucky" to realise what's happening early on, when it's easier to leave. (Yes, I know it's never easy!).
I can't get my head around how Women's Aid could help me with 4 older DC. With 1 or 2 younger DC, I think I would have been out of the door a year ago.
So, learn by my mistakes.
Don't give up a career, don't stay for the children, keep yourself financially secure, don't leave yourself without options.
I see a future where I'll be happier. I think just realising all the above is making me stronger. I will grow quietly until I can leave.