Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Weird family dynamics

2 replies

LulaLandry · 21/09/2019 22:04

Hope this is the right place to post. Just looking for a place to vent really.

DH and I both have major issues with confrontation, I think largely due to our upbringings. My father was very emotionally abusive to my mother and if she ever tried to call him out on anything he would give her the silent treatment for weeks and it was just awful, I can remember feeling the tension in the house for weeks on end. Anyway she did leave him and remarried a lovely man and I have a good relationship with her and my brothers but I find myself paralysed by confrontation, never wanting to upset anyone or cause any waves. I have no issue having emotional conversations but I'm crap with confrontation.

DH comes from a family where I find the dynamics utterly bizarre. They don't talk about anything and are so stuck in routine. Like recently my MIL had to be rushed to A&E and because my FIL had a lunch booked with his brother he chose to have that lunch first before going to sit with her. I find that utterly weird, he's not a thoughtless man and they are pretty devoted to one another in their way. But they just don't talk about anything. DH's brother died when he was very young and he says it was just never spoken about.

I want our DC to be able to talk about emotions and have a healthy attitude to confrontation, and I am worried our own upbringings are going to affect this.

Has anyone else had similar? How do you deal with it?

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 22/09/2019 08:26

I imagine the loss of their other son has had a pretty profound effect on the dynamics of their family.

Can you tell us how you and DH currently deal with conflict? What happens if you disagree? Give us an example of a pretty common or normal disagreement you might have and how you manage it.

HennyPennyHorror · 22/09/2019 08:28

To add...DH and I both come from loud, vociferous and opinionated families where shouting was the norm.

We've tried, over the years to limit the shouting...and now, when one of us feels angry, they leave the room...we discuss our pasts with our DC...and let them know that we're both working on our management of conflict constantly.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page