Partner will not talk. When do I give up?

[Buzziebeebie]

My dp has a drink problem in that he's a nasty drunk and will emotionally abuse me when drunk. It has taken me a long time to accept this and confront the issue. After the last incident I have moved to our sofa. I have asked that he sees our gp, contacts the appropriate help and gives up drinking. He has not done all these and I seriously doubt he has given up drinking. Therefore I am still on the sofa. Meanwhile he has steadfastly refused to talk, always ends in a row, and has focussed on building an extension which was honestly supposed to be done ten years ago. Do I give up?

Yes
He's not going to stop drinking
He's nasty to you
Ltb

Why would you want to accept it?

Time to end the relationship!

Yes. You cannot help an addict until they want to help themselves. This will only get worse. You might find Al-Anon helpful.

That's what I'm thinking. It's the fact I'm begging to talk and he builds walls!

My ex was the same only it graduated to physical abuse. He is never going to give up because he just doesn't want to. I gave a lot of years to my ex, giving him chance after chance and he never gave up. On the day I left he had a can of strong lager on his hand and between gulps he said don't leave, i can change. That just sealed it for me.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Thank you. I will have a look at the freedom program. He came home nasty again 😟

Really sorry to hear this. But give up. Now. Don't waste another 10 years.

Begging to talk as he builds walls.

Well THAT'S a redolent phrase!

LTB. Hes manipulating you with a present silent treatment.

I know you're right. I've just been hoping for a turnaround I suppose. I feel so stupid. I will have to do the online programme as none are near me, but it looks very useful thank you.

I know OP. We give chance after chance. They never change.

Oh and when he gets nasty, dont engage. Dont react. Just a simple 'I'm not going to be spoken to like that' delivered in a calm and neutral tone.

Then walk out of the room.

Has he ever been violent to you?

My Ex was the same. I left him earlier this year after many chances and promises to change, he just got worse and eventually assaulted me in front of our DC when I confronted him (again) about the impact his drinking was having on our lives.

Whilst I think your husband most definitely has a problem with alcohol, he also has an abuse problem and is using alcohol as an excuse for his abusive behaviour toward you. Such men do not change and they have little motivation to, mostly because of their attachment to the collection of privileges and freedoms they get from their abusive behaviour. I bet your husband comes and goes as he chooses, drinks when he likes, sleeps in and does bugger all around the house. When you confront him on it, he intimidates you into silence or ignores you completely - because he doesn’t care what you think and he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong.

You can’t change him, better to plan a life for yourself away from this pathetic drunk.

He will not change.
Time to go. Hopefully he is the one to move out. Seek advice. Womens aid. Good luck. You deserve better