How to stay strong

[Ketchup4tea]

I’ve been married a long time and have small children. My marriage has been rocky since the kids came along due to Stbxeh short fuse and vicious tongue. He’s called me some vile names over the years, screamed at the kids, screamed at me...mainly if he doesn’t get his own way. He’s been financially and sexually abusive. Emotionally controlling/distant... The last time we had sex, I could hear him sniggering behind me! Thats when I decided I didn’t want to let him touch me again. I’ve told him I want to separate which has made him extremely angry and he’s not making it easy. I assumed he’d be relieved if the names he’s called me are true then I wouldn’t want to be with me! I’ve basically got to the point where I’ve had enough. He clearly doesn’t love me. No anniversary/birthday/Christmas presents. No attending my family events. No interest or asking after my interests or life or things going on. Lack of interest unless it’s about him. I could let it drag on but no. I want more for myself. The problem is I keep doubting myself. I’m sat in a restaurant and there’s a family and I’m now racked with guilt that my kids will never have that. I’m thinking maybe I just have unreal expectations of marriage? I should just suck it up and make do? Surely somebody out there has a husband who makes an effort for them? Takes them out on their birthday? Looks them in the eye and says “god you’re gorgeous”
Am I deranged?
Please tell me how well your husband treats you so I know I’m doing the right thing!!

I am treated like I am queen of the world.

I haven’t always been, and I left a marriage due to it. It was difficult knowing if I was doing the right thing or not. I wish I could go back and tell that me that it would be the best decision I ever made x

Thank you littlegoth thank you. I needed to hear that. Queen of the world. That’s wonderful. I’m a good person which is why I find it so upsetting. I’m no oil painting but I’m kind and sensitive and I’d do anything for anybody. He’s dragged me to the bottom of the world. I used to have an awesome life before I met him

You deserve better x

My H respects me completely as I do him and we support each other though the bad times as well as the good. He thinks I am fab, calls me as much and worships the very quicksand I walk on.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE. FGS do not just suck it up and make do, no do not do that to yourself!. You would not want that for your kids so do not want that for your own self.

You and in turn your kids can still have an awesome life without him. He likely targeted you as well because you were perhaps in a low place when you met him or saw an nice and empathetic person for he to get his claws into and thoroughly exploit. You were in any case targeted by him.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what have they learnt here to date?.

Womens Aid are worth having a chat with here as are the Rights of Women organisation.

Abusive men do not like letting go of their target easily so he will in any event make it as hard as possible for you to leave (he will then have to put in what he sees as hard work to find another sap to abuse). But no obstacle to leaving is ultimately insurmountable and you can leave and push on with divorce. No man is above the law here. Remember too that men like your H hate women, ALL of them.