Troublesome ex taking advantage?

[LouiseKalas]

Posting for a Friend.

So my ex and his dad are living with me and my 4-year-old daughter. We have a two-bedroom property and it isn't enough space for all of us.

I don't want to kick them out and leave them homeless as that just isn't fair on them, but recently they have been leaving my flat a complete mess. Not to mention that my ex is tagged and is monitored by the police, his box is in my bedroom.
This is my daughter's dad, but I don't want her to keep seeing this. He's an alcoholic and is constantly undermining me; they don't help me financially and refuse to leave.
What should I do?
Do I contact the police and ask them to move my ex as he isn't welcome? What do I do about his dad?

This is for me a good friend was helping me

Why is your ex and his dad living in your house! Just chuck them out end of. I certainly wouldn’t feel bad about it.

If they won’t leave then, yes, call the police. I’d warn them first that you’ll be forced to do that.

Why doesn’t your friend just post?

What do u mean? @lovemenorca

I think its a case of where she doesn't want to see the father of her child, and her child's grandfather out on the street when she can help keep them sheltered. They are just taking advantage of her hospitality now. She's wondering what to do next. As her ex is being monitored by the police until November. She can't just kick him out as the tag box needs to be registered at an address, and he can't be walking the streets.

It's a difficult situation, she just needs advice guys.

Not really. She doesn't want to see the father of her daughter homeless. It's just a difficult situation. Things may have started easy and gotten more difficult. now there's a new man in her life and she wants her space back.
Advice only, thanks

I would appreciate advice only no judging

Thanks

So there’s a new man on the scene?

Sounds very Jeremy Kyle.

Your friend had a child with an alcoholic criminal. Him and his father aren’t her responsibility. Then again, she only wants them gone because she has a new man she obviously wants to have sex with.

The entire situation sounds pretty grim.

If her boyfriend has a monitoring anklet on him then he will need to go back inside if he has no stable accomodation.

His father can declare homelessness and potentially be rehoused or live in a shelter for the time being.

They aren’t cleaning up after themselves and the whole situation sounds so sad.

Your friend is an absolute idiot.

You can’t simply demand no judgment in this grotty scenario.

There is a child involved in. There’s abuse, alcoholism, cramped living conditions, financial abuse, crime. So yes - I will judge. I would be insulating my child from all this. You aren’t

You say not wanting to see the father homeless

But then you say you have asked him to leave and he’s refusing

I would tell them to get out! Or if your feeling generous tell them they have got a week to find somewhere else, they are taking the piss, especially if they are not even tidying up after themselves. They are not your friends problem or responsibility, they are grown men who can fend for themselves

His housing is not her responsibility. If he won’t leave, she can ask the police to remove him. He can go to the council, along with his father, to say he has been made homeless if she tells him to go.

You have a responsibility here and it’s to your child. Nothing else matters. Not them being homeless, your ex going back inside or your new boyfriend.

At the moment, your needs (and, more importantly, your child’s needs) are conflicting with your wants. You can’t have both. It’s impossible. So you need to decide which is the most important to you.

You don’t HAVE to let your ex stay because he’s tagged. You contact the police (or whoever is responsible for the box) you tell them that you’re throwing him out and they will come and remove it. You might not want to see him back inside, but those are the consequences of his actions, not yours.

You don’t HAVE to let his father stay. You give him a week to get his stuff together and then you change the locks. He’s a grown adult, does he think he’s going to be able to live with his son’s ex girlfriend for the rest of his life? How would that work?

If you feel that being ‘nice’ and keeping a free roof over the heads of your alcoholic ex and his equally useless father is more important than protecting yourself and your daughter from these two, then nothing will change and they’ll carry on taking advantage of you.

Is my flat

It's my flat and it's my ex with a tag

The ex and his father are being done a great favour. It’s clear they don’t appreciate this. They are adults and need to take responsibility for themselves. You need to take responsibility for your child first and foremost and yourself second, ex and his dad come way down the list.
The ex his offenses, his tag and the precarious nature of his his living conditions are HIS responsibility so if he gets put into prison it’s HIS fault for committing the offences in the first place and abusing the kindness of a friend in the second place and his dad is complicit in this.
I mean its not hard to tidy up after yourself is it.
Tell them to leave, if you’re feeling kind give them a few days, but it’s not your problem.

The thing is I've have gave both of them 4/5 months to sort thereselfs out and keep asking for more time

Jess call the police, tell them that your ex and his dad are abusing you, using your address so he can keep his tag legal. Explain that they are cuckooing you, that you and your child are vulnerable, in danger from them.

Put as plainly as I can - GET RID OF THEM! If you want to keep your child safe, maybe be even still living with you, GET THEM OUT OF YOUR HOME!

@CuriousaboutSamphire it's a difficult situation for me I'm trying to do best by everyone I am too soft

@Berthatydfil I have have them more option to leave and more time to help for them to sort something out but I am to soft

it's a difficult situation for me I'm trying to do best by everyone every poster here is telling you that you must stop doing that!

From the information you post, we have nothing else to go by, your ex and his father could pose a very real risk to your child. You CANNOT be seen to condone that! You MUST put your child first.

Should anything happen social services will see a child whose father is a danger to his child and whose mother let it happen, took no steps to safeguard her child. That sounds cruel but they won't accept "I am too soft" as a viable excuse.

The hard hearted posters here are trying to help you see that you have choices and chould do something to get yourself and your child out tf this predicament. Which is why I suggested you report yourelf as a vulnerable adult being cuckoo'd. Your OP gives enough informtation that supports that idea. They are living off you, refusing to move out and making your life miserable.

Take all the help you can find in real life. Good luck!

@curiousaboutsamphire I know I need to buckle up