I just don't feel anything, is that OK?

[Lightinthedark]

Hi everyone, been in a jojo relationship which was riddled with abuse and faults from the start. I gave chances over and over again as he was so good at normalising bad behaviour and when things were happy ang good, they really were. It's been nearly two weeks since I ended things and I don't feel anything. I am numb? Yes I am sad but I have been so surpreessed by the whole abuse and anticipation when the next cycle of abuse would start that I am now just numb. I realised that the man I fell in love with doesn't t exist and his mask fell off shortly after we got together. But I am left wondering if anyone else felt the same way after ending a volatile relationship? And how are you doing now?

Maybe not quite the same but when I split up with my ex husband nearly 3 years ago (he wasn't physically abusive but was extremely difficult to live with and never lifted a finger around the house and was quite controlling) I wondered why I felt so little sadness about it. I remember feeling like I had been emotionally packing my bags for ages and when I got round to finishing it, it was a weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt lost that I wasn't in control of anything. It took a while for my true feelings to kick in but when they did I felt them and I felt really angry. I also made a couple of really bad relationship decisions in the aftermath (I think a thread about one of them is still around on mumsnet somewhere). I had some support in RL but probably not as much I needed (I kept on telling people how great I was) and about a year of counselling.

I think everyone responds differently to break ups and feels things differently depending on their experience. One thing I would say, is to give yourself time to recover and allow yourself grieve for the relationship. It's been a traumatic experience and just because you realise you're better off out of it, doesn't make it easier. Also, don't pretend you're fine if you're not feeling it and accept help from friends.

Nowadays I'm properly happy. I have 2 gorgeous boys, my own house, a good job and a boyfriend who I have been friends with since I broke up with my ex (still early days).

Sometimes the end of a difficult relationship is like taking off a lead cloak. No euphoria, just relief that it has stopped. It’ll take you a while to get used to the lack of abuse - you come to expect it and it’s weird when it’s not there anymore. You can’t quite believe it’s real. But it’ll happen. Yourlife will be happier and freeer.

@melba, I have great neighbours and have been having couseling in the last year which has helped massively and @lelly I feel sadness at times but I don't feel as overwhelmed as I thought I would be.

My ex is creaping me out. He has been driving passed my work, approached me in the gym, and wanting closure, being really obseeive and hugging me when it's clear I am really uncomfortable just sat there on the gym floor, then after I swiftly left the gym as I didnt want any more from him, he went into the changing room, he sent an email to which all was about him obviously, it's worn me down. I have asked the manager at the gym if I can end my contract with them, however I need to send an email over to explain why? I told them it was due to DV and I got very blunt approach from them. In regards to my ex, I have told him in a text that I am done and don't need his obsessive stalking. He is so creapy with it too and I don't feel safe. Its been 4 weeks and he is clearly not functioning right. He makes it out like we are friends and doesn't understand why I would not want to be civil. Fgs he came towards me with a knife once, banged on my windows when I tried breaking up with him once hurling abuse through my door, through my sons bedroom window telling him his mother was a phiscopath, financially put me on my knees and treated me like utter shit at times. I have emails where he admits to some of these things. Police is aware but useless. Told me basically is that some women would love that sort of attention and we were clearly not compattible. And then asked me questions like did this actually happen like that? Seriously? Yes he is charming, shy and polite and very nice to anyone on the street, I however know what he is capable of and it's frightening to say the least. Any advice would be appreciated

Apologies for the leangthy post. This will probably out me as well as he scovers mumsnet or use to.

Anyone?