Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't take anymore

30 replies

brokenladyxx · 21/09/2019 11:41

Hello mumsnetters I really just need some advice and help. I'm in such a horrible situation where the man I love is abusive. He's controlling, he's violent and he's verbally just horrible. I know it's happening and I just can't seem to leave.

We've been together 8 years and he hasn't always been like this so I tend to focus on the happier days when there is no arguments or name calling or put downs. But just lately his moods are becoming more regular and Fowler, he can go days just blanking me making me feel I've done something wrong. I have seeked help from my doctor a few months ago, they gave me the DV helpline number but I couldn't get threw so I just gave up hope that anybody can ever help me. Please just tell me what to do to get out of this, x

OP posts:
bombomboobah · 22/09/2019 16:43

His mother is an evil bitch, do not trust her.
You have to get away from him, no ifs or buts.

cakeandchampagne · 23/09/2019 11:05

I hope you are okay. Have you gotten through to the helpline yet?

chickenyhead · 23/09/2019 13:18

Oh OP I know that trapped feeling well.

Shame and guilt keep you there, plus a heafty helping of fear.

The guilt and shame don't belong to you though. These belong solely to him. He fooled you in to believing that the nice guy was him. He fooled you that he is just flawed and that you would be unreasonable not to support him. He kept you on shifting ground so that you kept taking it time and time again, minimising the unforgivable.

But he isnt the flawed nice guy, he is a nasty, bitter, spiteful bastard who knows you so well that he can switch mode in an instant to keep you trapped. Angry and violent one second, then begging the next when you try to leave.

He is the vile arsehole who doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself and who will use and abuse people to get what he feels he deserves.

He will never change, because the act of being the nice guy is frankly exhausting for him.he doesn't think he needs to change.

You are all in extreme danger. The police have evidence. You can go there anytime and decide to press charges. But once you go, there is no going back, it is too dangerous.

You mustn't ever fall for his bullshit ever again, ever. See him as he truly is. A violent bully who attacks the weak.

Once you go through with this it is hard at first, but every day gets easier until the weight lifts off of your shoulders.

Social services helped me to escape. They can help you too.
X

Debbierocket123 · 23/09/2019 13:31

I totally know how you feel. I was with a man for 7 years who began our relationship by being perfectly charming and sweet. He gradually became harder to be around and eventually he was abusive. It was the hardest decision I ever made but I saved up for about a year and slowly packed my things without him noticing until one day I was ready to move. I had to leave a lot behind and deal with a lot of abusive messages but HONESTLY I have never felt so happy since I made that decision. I feel free. I feel myself and I have the chance to make the most of the rest of my life because - lets face it - life is far too short to spend it being miserable!

Notimefor · 23/09/2019 17:04

You have to leave for your son. I am very surprised your gp hasn’t done a referral to social services yet. Please get the strength to leave, you can’t put your life at risk - and you sound like your ready, there is a lot of support out there. X

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.