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Original poster

How do I move on?

9 replies

Onlylovecould · 20/09/2019 23:19

Hello. I'm 6 months after finding out that my husband was cheating with a woman he worked with. We had been together 22 years, married for 18 years. Our son is 13 years old and his 23 year old son lives with us. He moved out, says I threw him out. He had been depressed for 3 or so years, then his mum died, all classic midlife crisis triggers. I have always been the stronger and more driven one. But I can't believe that the gorgeous, tender, kind man that I married has abandoned me with his boys.He has moved in with his fat slag (who has left her kids 4 and 10) and goes back to give them breakfast etc. She is not my concern. How do I get over him walking out on us??

OP posts:
redastherose · 20/09/2019 23:43

God I'm sick of men using being 'depressed' as an excuse to shag someone else. Gorgeous tender and kind men don't abandon their children and wife to run off with someone else. If you can afford it get some counselling to help you move forward with your life. He's not worth thinking about anymore.

Livelovelearn1 · 21/09/2019 00:12

Babe... youre not gonna get over it. Youre gonna learn to live with it. You know u deserve better and if not u can find happiness as a single parent. He is blatantly havinga midlife crisis and you've too much on ur plate to deal with it.... talk to him... make ur feeelings heard and go from.there

lexiepuppy · 21/09/2019 08:37

My ex husband of 18 years had been cheating on me with his sister's best friend.
I think he was having a midlife crisis/breakdown after his father died. Ours is a complicated story.
However 2 years later he is persistently contacting me and is unhappy with her, but he has put a noose round his neck as she has moved in with him and taken her son with her. i cant wait to go NC and delete him out of my life.
In a couple of years time, your ex will probably be regretting his decisions too, but will be in too deep. Rejection is redirection. Flowers Love yourself more, be gentle and kind to yourself, you are hurting, eventually i hope you can meet someone who treats you way better.

FuriousVexation · 21/09/2019 08:48

his fat slag Hmm

I know you must feel hurt, but direct your anger where it's warranted. She didn't make marriage vows with you; he did. She didn't walk out on your DC; he did.

So is his adult son still living with you? Have there been any legal arrangements made re: property, division of assets, contact for your joint DS? I think once you've nailed down arrangements and applied for your divorce decree, you'll feel more able to move forward.

AMAM8916 · 21/09/2019 08:53

FuriousVexation, it's perfectly ok for the OP to be angry. It sounds like the term fits considering she has not only gone off with a married man but has also abandoned her four young kids in favour of nightly sessions with her new man. Who does that?

AMAM8916 · 21/09/2019 08:56

Sorry two kids! Read that wrong

FuriousVexation · 21/09/2019 09:56

Sure anger is natural. Using misogynistic slurs is ultimately not going to help OP or her DC.

Original poster
Onlylovecould · 21/09/2019 11:15

From what I understand, and this is from my cheating husband so not particularly reliable, she told him she really fancied him after he helped someone during an epileptic fit at work. And that was when my husband realised he wasn't happy! I know it takes two but in my world you tell the unhappy husband to go back and talk to his wife, not start an affair with him. So for that reason she gets the title. Divorce is underway, assets divided. Both sons are refusing to see him. We teach our children that cheating and lying are wrong, that they should keep their promises and their dad has done none of that. But I like redasarose's comment that good men don't do this. I need to remember that. It will all get better with time, I know. I'm still shell shocked, I guess that's the issue....

OP posts:
Pennypringles · 21/09/2019 11:30

I am in almost exactly the same situation as you. Together 23, married 18. 3 kids. Not the first time my stbxh has has an affair.
I staying strong this time. Last time I started divorce proceedings he tried to kill himself and stupidly I stayed.
I always say to my DDs if you are in a situation where you need to make a decision to think what you'd want your sister to do...So what would your advice to me be? To get rid? To be kind to myself? To move on? To look to the future and know things will get better? That he'll soon find out that the grass is greener because it's fertilised with bullshit? Take your own advice.
And IMO if you want to call her names and it makes you feel better for a second then you call away xx

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