Dp changing what I get dd for her birthday.

[ArthurMorgan]

I know I'm being irrational as it's really only a small thing but inside I'm seething about it.

Basically I picked out a few small things I wanted to get dd for her birthday, we're not flush for cash and I put a lot of thought it into it and put them into the basket. Dp said he wanted to get her a few bits from the same place so I told him I've added some stuff for her and just to add on what he wants and we'll buy it all in one order.

It came today and what he's done is replace the things I wanted to get with other things.. Because "they're better". He's taken out the little animals I picked and replaced them with different ones (think parrot she actually asked for, for a hyena because "she'll like it better").

I had my heart set on one particular toy (a ranger trap with bait and leopard, she's animal obsessed and loves to play vet) it's right up her street, she will love it. He's taken it out and bought the.. So he says, upgraded version, but it isn't even the same toy! It's a quad bike toy with a cage and a tiger. I know it sounds like a small thing but his was £15 more expensive and it's not remotely the same thing.

I think it's annoyed me so much because at Christmas I got her a dolls house for £35, a proper wooden one, it's lovely, he knew how excited I was to get it for her and then he went out and bought a £90 farm, of course she hasn't looked at the dolls house once.

I'm glad she has the farm, she adores it, I'm just sick of this one upmanship that I'm told I have to be grateful because he's spent more money and they're better toys.

I wish I could send his quad bike thing back. I don't even want to look at it

I'd just do another order of what you had if she asked for a parrot her response will tell you that when she opens it.... Then you can tell him I told you so after.

He does know what he's doing by the way....

but yes he is quite controlling usually.

Well, there's your answer.

Now go and order what you wanted to get in the first place.

Does he think he is the better parent also?

The normal reaction would be to see what you'd put in, call you over and ask if you agree that this one is better. At that point a discussion takes place. He can't just get away with doing what he wants - or perhaps he can because you don't make a fuss to avoid an argument.

If you always give in to avoid an argument then do you actually want to stay? It doesn't sound healthy.

So who paid for this lot of presents?

From your post you appear to keep money completely separate if he's already bought her stuff.

If that basket was supposed to be presents from you, and he changed them without discussing with you then I'd be mad. If you paid for them, you send them back

Your husband is controlling. How else does he manifest this? Being controlling like that is a sign of anxiety often, not always a way of wanting to put someone down. But YOU can put your foot down about it.

Don't tell him what you're thinking of buying your daughter for the next occasion.

Let him tell you what he would like to buy her and go from there, if he's open to suggestion, its just a crappy habit. If he disagrees entirely without good reason, he's doing it deliberately yo undermine you.

I don't understand why you're supposed to be grateful that he's spent more money on her.

Does he decide how the family money will be spent, and he's benevolently added more than was allocated for this birthday?

Otherwise, spending a bit more on a child isn't something you would be 'grateful' for. You'd either shrug or be annoyed (if you couldn't really afford it).

In your position, I'd just re-order the stuff you'd chosen.

Fuck that keep the purchases and return the jerk you're married to