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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorcing - does he have the right to enter my home?

10 replies

trackqueen · 20/09/2019 17:33

Divorcing my ex.
Mid-way in court proceedings to sort out financials (no children together thank god).
He moved out of the family home 2.5 years ago.
He has been threatening to come to my home (which is jointly owned by us both - but I have been paying the mortgage alone for 2.5 years and he has not been back her) and remove his things.
He has already taken everything that was owned by him, plus jointly owned things when he moved out. I was not there when he moved out, he was free to take whatever he needed/wanted.
His threats are coming via his solicitor. I have asked for a list of item he is referring to, obviously there was no reply of a list and I have ignored subsequent requests because I assume they are a way of trying to get to see me.
The latest threat came today via his solicitors.
I have a friend who is married to someone in the domestic violence department of the local police, should I contact them and make sure it is logged with the police?
I am sure he wants to break-into my home to see if I am living with someone, to steal MY things, trash the place or hurt my pets.
He's quite an unpleasant person, and has threatened me in the past and threatened suicide when he got his girlfriend pregnant a year or so ago and I wouldn't take him back - this is why I have no contact with him.
I am not scared of him, but unfortunately he knows my movements and knows when I will be at work...so could easily break in when I am not there.
Any advice?

OP posts:
JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 20/09/2019 17:44

Your both on land registry? If so then legally its still both of your house so yes he can make entry.
Change the locks and if challenged say "you lost the key" as legally your not able to do this. Have you considered getting cctv? It's not particularly costly and will give you peace of mind.

LexMitior · 20/09/2019 17:51

You will get lots of people who will say “it’s half his house and he can come and go as he pleases”.

They aren’t right. Let’s look at the facts here, he’s not lived there for years, has taken his property and is frightening you.

Legitimately, you can respond sweetly to his solicitor, citing your fears and his suicide threats. Ask the solicitor in the circs to provide a list, and he can come and collect any items you locate with a police presence. The police will offer this if there is likely to be conflict. You need to get that issue on record to his solicitor so they know their client’s crappy behaviour will be checked and monitored.

He will HATE having to conduct his crappy conduct in front of the police. He won’t do it. So then you undertake to provide all and any items in return for not involving the police.

Should he turn up, tell him to leave. Should he huff, it’s your prerogative to tell him loudly that he frightens you and you therefore won’t be letting him in. You must assert yourself in a way that can’t be ignored by solicitors, the police and him.

Good luck. It can be done.

chickenyhead · 20/09/2019 17:54

Yeah he half owns it, but he abandoned it.

His argument might be stronger if he had continued paying the mortgage. But he didn't.

Yankeescot · 20/09/2019 17:59

He sounds quite unhinged, OP. You say you're not frightened of him, but please stay on guard and insist on Police presence if he comes around. You say he's threatened you before and even if you're not afraid of him, it's best to exercise caution with Police around.
He'll know you're not messing and will likely back off. I wish you a speedy ending to the divorce! Please stay safe

AnotherEmma · 20/09/2019 18:03

Change the locks.
If he was still living there I wouldn't be advising this. But he hasn't lived there or paid the mortgage for 2.5years and he's clearly threatening you.
Technically it's his house until the financial settlement is finalised. But unless your solicitor says otherwise I don't think there'll be a big risk in changing the locks.

june2007 · 20/09/2019 18:03

I guess it depends how he puts it he could ay he abonded it or he could say you wouldn't let him in? He stayed away as he knew it would offemd you? Surely if he came with someone to gather any belongings then that would be ok. ? I think it depends on history between you and yours and his legal teams.

trackqueen · 20/09/2019 18:23

@june As I said, he refuses to provide a list of things....he has mentioned photographs, but I have looked for them and I can't see any, apart from photographs which belong to me (none of him, just me and my family and holidays etc....I have got rid of a lot of 'stuff' which belonged to us both....but was rubbish, like old damaged suitcases etc.
I have never been disrespectful to him, I know he is a bully, and I never want to wind him up, because he is capable of losing it.
I am quite physically strong now - been to the gym a lot in the last couple of years - and I have a dog who would defend me and our home as she doesn't know him and is protective of me, which is why I'm not frightened of him, if anything if he attacked me physically again, it would suit me as it would then be reported and be on his record.
I'm more concerned that he has kept a secret set of spare keys - he did give me his set of keys 2.5 years ago as he wanted me to keep the house and for him to keep all his other assets (which are worth more than the house) - but he has stayed with the GF who had his baby, and they are now united in trying to get the house off me again - hence the court battle.
Or that he (more likely - as he would probably be scared of me calling the police) will wait till I am at work and then break in - damaging my property.
Neighbours look out for me (they have been great since my break-up) and there is an active neighbourhood watch group where I live and a active whatsapp group - should I put it on there?
A friend who lives up the road from my house says she has driven pass him walking his dog past my house a few times in the last year, he obviously checks up on me/the house (he and his GF live a couple of roads away, just to make it more uncomfortable!)

OP posts:
trackqueen · 20/09/2019 18:26

I do have a neighbour who has CCTV which covers most of the front of my house too (the neighbour asked me if that was ok, as he lives opposite and the CCTV covers his front, the road between and my front).

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 20/09/2019 18:37

I got one of these OP. It's wifi and no need for online storage if you get a memory card. Sends you a text when someone triggers it...

Netvue Outdoor Security Camera 1080P Waterproof Wireless WiFi Bullet Camera IR Night Vision Survinence System Works with Alexa, Two Way Audio, Motion Detection, Support up to 128G SD Card www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07CNJLBKN/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_43qHDbAE01HSN?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

trackqueen · 20/09/2019 18:42

thanks @chickenhead I'll look into getting a couple of those for the front and back.

OP posts:
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