NC for this but I’m regular.
TLDR: guy I was seeing kept making mean and personal ‘jokes’, was non-committal about seeing me and didn’t reciprocate when I said nice things. My background of unhealthy relationships makes me unsure of whether IWBU to call him out.
Long version -
Background (I think this is relevant) I had a difficult relationship with my dad that included some emotional abuse and lack of support among other things. We are recently NC. It took me until adulthood to fully realise that his behaviour towards me growing up was not OK, and I believe his lack of support towards me led me to subconsciously try to fill that hole with unhealthy relationships. I am currently in the process of starting therapy to explore this further, which god knows I need!
Right, so, in the past, I’ve had a tendency to stay too long in unhealthy relationship situations because I think I felt that ending it meant admitting defeat and proving I wasn’t worthy of love. I dated a real arsehole a couple of years ago, and after that had a kind of epiphany about personal boundaries, my dad, and my own behaviour and decided I’d apply it when dating again.
I had a break from dating. Thought I was ready - but I don’t think I am. A guy I was seeing for a few weeks started off super nice, then he began making what he said were jokes but they’d be very cutting and personal (e.g telling me I’m not smart, teasing me that he didn’t really like me, continuing to do it even after I said I’d rather he wasn’t mean to me).
I then told him straight how I felt it was belittling and unpleasant and the conversation became him saying this felt too hard for the early stages when it was meant to be fun. Well yes, I agree, I don’t want to be having intense and serious conversations either, but if he upset me what was I meant to do, just bottle it up to ensure it stays fun? Or was I overreacting to his jokes and getting attached too quickly? In the past I’ve always been super anxious and pushed people away with that and I don’t know if I’m doing it again or if I was justified in explaining how he was making me feel. I reiterate, I know I need therapy!