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Original poster

Why do people (men) say stay in touch then ghost ?

19 replies

Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 08:28

Basically a guy who's gone away for a couple months work placement in the Netherlands. "I still want us to stay in touch the whole time". The next thing he stops replying. Where is the logic ? Was probably just lip service, but I just think he's pretty weird now.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 20/09/2019 08:33

I think a lot of men just want an easy life and will blow any old smoke up peoples arses to avoid confrontation and to minimise their true intentions

Original poster
Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 08:36

Yeah probably that.. Just don't say it if you dont mean it that's my logic. Anyway his loss, if he tries to come back later on I won't be interested.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 08:53

It's just annoyed me. I can fully understand it gradually fizzling but deliberately doing it soon after is another thing. Just disappointing :(

OP posts:
FineWordsForAPorcupine · 20/09/2019 09:01

Why would fizzing be any better? Same outcome, it just takes longer and is more annoying.

It sucks to be ghosted - you are right to feel miffed and disappointed. But don't fall into the trap of pretending your feelings are "I don't mind if he isn't interested, it's just the way he did it". Feel your feelings, be nice to yourself, and then get back out there Flowers

PaterPower · 20/09/2019 09:03

Not just men, but I suspect that people do this because they think it’ll let you down easier. We’re socialised to tell white lies as we grow up.

It might be easier if we were all brutally honest with each other, but would you really have wanted him to say something like:

“let’s call it a day; oh and don’t contact me again because I don’t really need you in my life anymore and I don’t want the hassle of sustaining a non-relationship” ?

Original poster
Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 09:07

Yeah.. I mean he didn't need to even mention it because I didn't even ask, he specified it himself which makes it even worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 09:10

Him saying that gave me false hope. I agree 'don't contact me' is brutal, but 'let's just leave it/move on' isn't.

OP posts:
AMAM8916 · 20/09/2019 10:06

When did he leave? When did he stop replying?

FizzyGreenWater · 20/09/2019 10:09

People are just conditioned to tell white lies to make social contact more pleasant.

Original poster
Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 10:13

Left 8 days ago. Fair enough, if I had asked him 'will you stay in touch ?' ok, but I didn't. He went out of his way to say it then just never replied to the last message. He's read it and is very often online.
It hurts but now I guess I can forget him more quickly. I just hate liars even if it's social conditioning.

OP posts:
DeathBySnuSnu · 20/09/2019 10:26

8 days is nothing! Especially if he's just started working abroad. Good grief, send him another message! You sound quite demanding lol.

Original poster
Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 10:31

Yeah I dunno I just think that if he was gonna reply he wouldn't have taken 8 days :/ maybe I should but I don't want to look clingy and if he wanted to talk he probs would have by now..

OP posts:
HotChocolateLover · 20/09/2019 10:34

Ghosting really sucks. I was once seeing a guy for 3 months. The last night I saw him we shagged twice and the next day he’d gone. I am a seriously light sleeper which he knew so he would have had to creep out which is so sneaky. Fine if he didn’t want to be together but to get two final shags and do that, just disgusting 😤 Sorry OP, in my experience and from friend’s experience, it’s not looking good.

Original poster
Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 10:39

That's disgusting behaviour i'm so sorry you had to experience that after 3 months 🙄 hope he got what was coming to him. I know it's peoples' actions not words that matter it just sucks especially when the person was so nice but sadly a lot of people do this and lack the honesty/courage required..

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Original poster
Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 15:01

If he messages me when hes back I should just tell him to do one /ignore him ?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 20/09/2019 15:32

Didn’t mean what he said / not that into you.

Original poster
Blueandlilac · 20/09/2019 15:32

Yeah sack him off i'm gonna fully forget him.

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Original poster
Blueandlilac · 23/09/2019 22:35

Well guess what. He got back in touch 'I really miss you', and text me today 'youre so beautiful'.
I notice his photos are private. Then a girl comes up on my recommended Facebook friends list as a mutual friend.
It says they have been in a relationship for 10 days !! He met her over there and they are 'Facebook official' within days of meeting each other wtf ?! Are they 14 or what ?!

What's disgusting is him texting me oh I really miss you etc. And having this secret girlfriend thinking he can string me along by text and see me when hes back !

If he thinks he will ever be seeing me again he can do one. What the hell ?!

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Original poster
Blueandlilac · 23/09/2019 22:37

I suppose there's nothing much to say, just hurts but I guess I had a lucky escape.

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