DH offending my friends

[wonderllama]

This is a strange one so please bear with me but I’d really like others advice/opinion on this please. I don’t know if I’m over-reacting by being annoyed with DH over this or not?
When we had our baby very dear, old friends of mine came to visit and brought a gift. An expensive piece of equipment that we didn’t technically need but was lovely to have. The sort of thing we wouldn’t have bought ourselves. They also have older children and very generously have handed down lots of clothes and all their baby stuff. We don’t have close family or any other friends who have made an effort so it’s lovely to have somebody care. However, it’s my DH reaction that’s bothering me. When they gave the gift he said “thanks very much but please don’t buy us anything else. We don’t like people buying us things” umm what? We’d never discussed that. I could tell my friends feelings were hurt and since then they haven’t been to visit again. I’ve apologised to them in person for what he said but I’m fuming. He’s also being weird if they give me a bag of clothes for example. He gets really grumpy and difficult and negative. Saying things like “we’ve got enough stuff already” “we don’t need it” before I’ve even looked through to see what it is! 9/10 items they give ARE useful or are aged stuff that baby will grow into. We aren’t space limited. It’s saving us money because I don’t have to buy those things and I just don’t get it. He won’t engage about why. Just goes in a huff and it’s me being argumentative if I try and raise what’s the issue here? I just do not get it and I’m feeling a bit peed off that he’s been rude to my friends in my home when it was uncalled for. Can anyone throw any light on this please?

My xh was always very difficult with friends that I'd made before I met him. It never improved; I think it must have been related to him always needing to be in control and feelings of insecurity. Very odd and very awkward to deal with.

It's the male equivalent of getting upset when people look after the kids for you. You feel like it should be your job

It sounds like he’s jealous that somebody else is doing something nice for you and showing generosity towards you. It sounds like he feels threatened by your other relationships. What is he like generally towards your friends and family? Does he try to limit your contact with him? I’d be worried this is a major red flag indicating future possessive and controlling behaviour.

Maybe he's a type two. Or even a type three, it might be too early to tell.

Or maybe he's an arse? And rude?

"He doesn’t really like it if I’m close to other people." This is a huge red flag. Is he trying to isolate you?

"He seems to feel threatened/pushed out by that but doesn’t seem to even realise that’s what it is?"

Don't kid yourself. He knows.

So, he is rude to your friends, doesn't like you having other people in your life, isn't bothered to buy stuff for your baby, doesn't like taking other peoples stuff but doesn't want to use his own money. He isn't sounding great so far, tbh.

If he's generally decent but being an arse about this, then it's possibly some kind of insecurity.

But he doesn't sound like he's generally decent, he sounds financially and emotionally abusive.

Omg my ex husband was exactly like this! People used to give me clothes for the kids and he just appears annoyed by it. If they gave it and went through it with me he couldn't hide his disapproval! This extended to people doing anything for us really eg family member mowed the lawn or hoovered or gave us something he was just so disinterested and dismissive of them and the item.
I hate to say it but it's probably part of a much bigger issue. It certainly was for me.

Emasculated.