Am I wrong?

[Jemma128]

This is my first thread and a super long one but I really need some advice..

I've been with my fiancé for nearly 7 years. We have two children (5&2). I fell pregnant very quickly and when our son was born, my fiancé wasn't really interested. I raised our son for two years on my own with no help. I stayed with him because I was 18 and absolutely besotted with him. I left him for 4 months shortly after our sons 2nd birthday because I was so tired of his games. He was horrible to me, he didn't work, he never helped with our son.

After 4 months I gave him another chance and since then he has been amazing with our two children, an amazing father and much better with me. He's worked since we got back together and helps pay some bills. He had a car and a few months ago decided to buy another one. The plan was to give me his old one and insure me on it (with me paying the insurance and the loan) but when trying to add me to his policy, they wanted another £68 a month. Which at the time wasn't affordable for us. So he insured me on his new car and I was to drive the new car until the insurance ran out on the old one.

(In the last few months I have started my own cleaning business, I also have two other jobs so I'm working around 42-46 hours per week whilst looking after the kids in between and keeping on top of the housework)

Anyway his old car has had a few issues in the past few weeks so I offered to pay. I paid £310 last week but on Sunday he said he was taking his new car to work this week and I would have to drive the old one. I calmly explained that I couldn't because I wasn't insured and I wasn't going to drive without insurance. He then kicked off saying I was selfish and it's his car etc. The argument escalated and I asked him to leave as our kids were sleeping and he was getting louder and louder. He left...leaving me his old car which I can't drive (not insured)

Since Monday I've had horrible text messages about how I'm controlling, manipulative, selfish..all because I won't drive uninsured. I've lost a whole weeks worth of cleaning jobs because I can't get there. Fast forward to today, he messaged me asking when I'm going to say sorry! I was baffled as I can't see how I've done anything wrong. I said we can talk about things so he came over about an hour ago.

He was being nice until I mentioned I was cleaning (locally so wouldn't need a car) and that I wouldn't be done until 3. (He booked tomorrow off work) He then kicked off saying that I've ruined our child free weekend and that I've done this on purpose. I explained that due to missing all my cleaning this week, I would need to work tomorrow so that I could make sure I wasn't struggling next week! He wouldn't listen..he stormed into the living room, took the tv and left again telling me he was getting the rest of his stuff tomorrow!

I'm just confused about the whole week, am I selfish? Of course I have to work, it pays the bills and puts food on the table for my kids. I used my last £5 on Wednesday night treating my kids to tea...ive been eating beans on toast for two days.

I'm just fed up, off everything.

Anyway I'm really sorry about how long this is

I don't have any advice about practical ways to leave him but he's a huge prick who is not acting in yours or your kids' best interests.

If it were me I would not even entertain the thought of bothering with a relationship with someone like this.

If you stay with him this behaviour will only get worse. Don't let him make you think this is your fault. He knows deep down he's been a prick but he can't handle that so he's putting his shit feelings about himself onto you.
I'm sure he wants this to all be settled so he can carry on taking advantage of your generosity and hard work but believe me luv, he won't change and he'll just wear you down.

Let the TV be the last thing he ever takes from you.

You'll still be in profit.

What. A. Dick.

You do not have to stay with him this does not have to be your life.

What a waste of skin he is.

Practical note: Do you have access to the insurance documents on his newer car? If it's fully comp, it may cover you to drive any other vehicle you're qualified for on a TPFT basis. (It does vary from one insurer to another though.)

Hi, both things ou said, about the insurance and about needing to work, couldn't have been more reasonable. It's him that's been controlling, taking the car so you can't get to work. Maybe he feels insecure at you working/earning (nothing wrong with you doing so, it'd be another way he would be being crap.) Anyway, hugs and best wishes xxx

He's totally out of order. The only part I wonder on is how you could afford to pay £310 to fix the old car and working 3 jobs and over 40 hours a week, but can't afford £68 per month for insurance? I suspect the difference would perhaps be having independence from him with your own vehicle, and he prefers to keep you dependent on him. He is coming across as very controlling and he may have come up with the words to describe you this way because he's been told he is by others too.
Does he earn more than you, as you are meant to be a family, that means making joint decisions as to where the family money is spent, especially on big purchases, like a new car. You seem to describe it more as a unilateral decision to buy it.
Also, he pays towards some bills, or at least half of all bills? Big difference, you are selling yourself way too short. Get shot of him and get your independence back.