Boyfriend texting other woman,am I over reacting?

[onefootinthegraveyard]

So I did something stupid.
I looked at my boyfriends phone when he stayed over and was asleep.
Anyway there's lots of messages on there to his friend (who is female and who he has history with )but they are just friends now.
He was at the gym on Wednesday night and he is messaging her
It goes like this
"It's too hot to be at the gym,with a pic of him on a machine"
Then he says this machine is hurting my special area (his bits )
Now scrolling back they text every day.
I didn't have time to read back everything but at the weekend he was texting her saying he was just getting off night shift and needed looking after and just general chat really but it went on hours.
Should I be worried here?
Obviously I can't say anything as he will know I'm looking.

You obviously felt the need to look through his messages, so you don't trust him. This will eat away at you until you investigate more.

It was just the temptation really of it being there

Talking about his private parts and needing looking after are cues that he wanted her to respond to.

Should you be worried? Only if you stay with him I think.

I agree with windmill. He’s enjoying and encouraging the attention.

Do you think that's all it is just attention?
Or do you think he's going to cheat?
We have been arguing a bit more lately

It sounds like flirty banter... if he’s secretive about his phone or in general maybe you have something to worry about. If not then I think flirty banter is ok as long as that is where it stops. Everyone has their own views about what is acceptable within a relationship. Could you chat with him about boundaries to make sure you’re on the same page? You don’t have to mention the texts... he won’t like that you’ve looked

The fact that you felt the need to scroll through his phone and come onto mumsnet and ask these questions shows that you don’t trust him and you are likely paranoid/worried about him being unfaithful whether rightly or wrongly. Time to move on.

LTB ‘I need looking after’ what a cockend

It's more that I'm worried if he's chatting so much to her that he's bored with me.
I try texting him but he barely holds a convo with me,yet here he is texting her for hours when it could be me.
It just doesn't feel right.
I'm not saying he can't have friends but I don't feel the need to text any male friends every day hours on end

Then end it ffs

If she gives the green light hes heading straight to cheatvill sorry to say but he has no respect for you end it before a few months time your posting an even sadder situation

*Arguing more lately.
*Barely holds conversation with you if you text.
*Texting Ex everyday for hours on end.
*Sending gym photo and referring to his ‘special area.’
*Making sexual innuendo in other messages.

He is trying it on with her and making a fool of you. Don’t you deserve better than this?

Thanks everyone

How long are you together? Is it a friend you both know? It doesn’t sound great on paper tbh...

Been together around 8 months.
No she's not my friend.
He was kind of getting with her before me.

‘Flirty banter’ would not be ok with me.

But no, he’s looking for more than flirty banter anyway so sorry, but he’s not good enough to date seriously.

No you're not over reacting.

I've been on the receiving end of these kind of messages from a male friend in the past. Even if it's just verging on flirting it's made me uncomfortable.
I found it insulting that he thought I would engage & disappointed that I knew he wasn't giving his gf the respect she deserved. Put me in a position also.

Will he cheat? Given the right circumstances, maybe. There seems to be intent there so depends on where you draw the line.

Nope. That would be the end for me. How dare he be spending time sending loads of messages to another woman and barely messaging you! Nah. Tell him to fuck off.

Better to get rid now before it ends in tears.

Yeah unless this is a long term friend (whom you’ve met a few times) where nothing ever happens between them then you need to worry.

Even if this is the case, from what you have said, he is trying it on fishing for ‘green light’ responses to sexually and romantically suggestive texts.

My advice, let him get on with it and move on. You deserve to be the one on the receiving end of such texts and attention if you are indeed his girlfriend. Sounds like you could be just a place warmer until she or another target caves and gives in to his ummmm flirty banter? 🤔

Respect yourself and back off from him, take some time to consider whether he’s right for you, although perhaps you already know the answer. X

I just don't think there's any need to be talking about your crotch to your friend.
Especially a friend you've had sex with her.
I'm a pretty jealous person anyway so I'm thinking all sorts now.

Walk away. He’s looking to have sez with her again

Sorry 🌷 but leave now while it’s only 7 months of memories & upset the longer you stay with him the worse it’ll be and if he’s looking to fuck her now, only 8 months in...

You deserve MUCH better

Sorry, sex. Wasn’t being coy/twee you’d think my phone would know better!

8 months and he is flirting with an ex and you are arguing??please don't see him flirting as your fault as some people need constant adoration because they struggle with self regulation. If you tend to react with jealousy them this will be a nightmare combination which will only bring heartache and dysfunction. This is where you have to learn to have and enforce boundaries. His behaviour is unacceptable (your instinct probadly was working for you) so now you need to act. Given its 8 months you don't know him so likely to be his character so I would say dump him and move on. Keep your standards high as you deserve better.

How old are you op?

Defo get out. 8 months in he should be head over heels with you. He’s not. He can barely hold a text convo and is texting another woman for hours on end and about his bits. You deserve better. Go and find it.