Relationships/marriage

[Geebus]

Ladies/gents.

Nice to meet you all "so to speak".
this isnt what i would normally do but need to air it somewhere.

I am a dad of 3 and a husband in need of some opinions/advice from people that may have been through this or going through it.

I have been with my wife for 16 years, we have had some hard times and some really hards times, one of which we are going through at the moment.
My wife joined social media back when facebook started in 2007 which was fine but in around 2009 ish she started chatting to an old family friend whcih is also fine, the problem is it then escalated into more like cyber sex and possible beyond and was going on for about 3 years until i found out, during this time i knew something was going on but was unsure what it was. she admitted to me after i confronted her but obviously trust is pretty much out of the window at this point, she told me it wasnt going to happen again (what ever it may be) although she said it was nothing physical. which with some contstant stresses and fighting to get trust back i started to trust her again, the problem is in roughly august last year she started doing it again until around march this year when again i noticed the same things going on. again i confronted her and she admitted it, right now i am stressed, i find myself constantly thinking what is she doing who is she doing it with.

Am i being stupid??

I know she probably just wants to be treated like a woman which i have tried to do and try to be fun but i am at the end of my tether trying to sort this out.

Am i better off just ending things and leaving it like there?

I cant tell if she just wants to have some fun just messing around (figuratively speaking) or actually wants to leave and get with this guy.
Just so you know he is an alcoholic and doesnt work, his previoous marriage broke down because of his drinking.

I dont know what to do, she has said she is not going to do this again i have sent the guy a mssage saying not to do this again or.....

thanks for reading my waffle.

Geebus

Fool me once shame on you.

Fool me twice shame on me.

3 years? And now again?

You deserve better.

Life is too short to spend it unhappy.
I’d walk away.

thank you for your opinions it is similar to my thoughts but i dont want to be broke for the rest of my life and i dont want to split up the family. I come from a family that has been split and it sucks for the kids.

You could try counselling or mediation.
You should calculate what your actual financial position would be, so you know what you are considering factually.
You could then include that in any mediation.
You might not be unhappy ‘broke’.
Kids living in a home where mum and dad are unhappy is bad too.
You could all live near one another after the split so that the kids still have you - and you still have them.

She doesn't really sound like she is committed however, it is easy to judge from the outside. Perhaps because you have let it slide in the past she now thinks she can get away with it. I think you need to make her feel like she is going to lose you as that is the only way you will know how she really feels.