My husband left me.

[bright986]

I guess i want to hear from anyone who has been through something similar and from people that have come out the other side.

It's been almost two weeks since my husband left me.

So I have been with my husband 7 years and married for 5. We were so in love to being with (as i'm sure most people are) We were renting and took about a year to find somewhere to buy together (our first proper home together) So we have lived in this house for just under two years now.

We have had bad arguments in the past, he would give me the silent treatment during said arguments and we would both say things we didn't mean to each other. But when things were good they were good.

We started finding it hard to cope financially and so I started working a second job and he did overtime when he could. We hadn't been spending much time together and never really went anywhere together because of money.

What I didn't notice was just how much we were growing apart, I mean i kind of did but just thought that that's what happens in a marriage and it's normal to just live and be grateful for the time we do spend together. I wish I would have taken more notice though as he was falling out of love with me but didn't tell me this until it was too late.

Looking back at the past few months, I remember him constantly being on his phone, going off to the toilet for long periods of time...I even heard his phone ring in the toilet and he quickly ended the call. He stopped taking an interest in my life and didn't tell me about his anymore. He started drinking protein shakes and did tell me that he wanted to start working out more. I went to kiss him and he pulled away and looked disgusted. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was 'just tired. He stopped showing any interest in me in the bedroom and I knew things were wrong but I ignored the signs for so long and he didn't tell me anything was wrong, so when I did talk to him and ask him what was wrong he said he didn't think he loved me anymore and wanted to leave.

He left me and seemed very happy about it like he was suddenly free.

I was left heartbroken, shocked, in disbelief. I never thought he would leave me! I thought he loved me and always talked about how lucky he was to be with me. He assures me that he wasn't cheating but my intuition tells me otherwise. He is now acting as though everything we had together meant nothing to him.

I have been an absolute mess. Crying, feeling liked i've been booted in the stomach, aching with pain, not eating, sleeping or able to concentrate on anything. I look around the house and see everything we made together and it's like being shot in the chest, I miss him so much.

We don't have any children together which is a blessing. I'm trying to get used the fact that he's never coming back but it's so hard. He said we are too different. We are both in our late 30's and my friends tell me he's having a midlife crisis.I just don't know what to think...Is he cheating, is he having a mid life crisis, did he just fall out of love with me, will he regret it, will he come back. There are so many questions and he won't talk to me.

I made the mistake of texting him almost begging him to come back but he won't and even told me to stop texting and go to sleep because I'm being crazy.

Now its been almost two weeks and while the questions are still in my mind I am getting stronger everyday, I'm able to sleep and eat more (even though it's still not enough) I think i'm coming to terms with things but then sometimes I feel i'm back at day one, it's the hardest thing i've every had to deal with and i've been through some bad times in my life.

I've read online that people take years to get over divorce and breakups and thats hard to hear because it makes me want to fast forward time.

I am not sure how I will ever be able to trust another man in the future because I never though he would do that to me, he wasn't just my husband but my best friend.
Any advice would be welcome. Thank you for reading.

Thank you for all your replies.

I know that if he came back and I let him it would never be the same and I wouldn't trust him and it will take time but I will realise this was for the best.

Its just hard waiting for that time to pass because I can't turn off my feelings of love for him. I've read that when people break up, the person who is left behind puts the partner who left on a pedestal in their minds and only remember the good times, so I'm trying to remind myself daily about all the bad times and how he neglected our marriage.

It really helps to hear all your stories and have the support from you all.

To StuffedPenguin Yes since hes left I've lost almost a stone in weight in two weeks and thats a good thing thats happened from this so I did myself up and posted a pic on insta of it not only to build my confidence but also as a 'fuck you' and 'look what you've lost' to my ex. Maybe it was stupid because he didn't care but people do stupid things when they feel like their whole world is falling apart. I need to keep working on my self confidence I know.

HellsBells— isn’t that so much the truth— same shit, different person— and by the time they actually realise that’s the case, that you can’t constantly replicate and keep up that ‘just getting to know someone feeling of excitement’ over and over — you often no longer often feel the same about them anyway.

bright, don't beat yourself up about the Insta picture.

The best revenge is to live well. Let him see that now you are not with him you are better off. Let him see that without him you are happier, look better and have moved on because you no longer have a selfish tw@t dragging you down.

Honestly, they the F do these men think they are? If my relationship ends for whatever reason I don't think I will bother again. I've already decided that if I don't need to split bills with someone, I don't need a man.

I did myself up and posted a pic on insta of it not only to build my confidence but also as a 'fuck you' and 'look what you've lost' to my ex

I honestly wouldn’t do things like this. You’re doing it for the wrong reasons and you need to move on. Don’t let any of your actions be dictated by your need to get his attention (changing your WhatsApp profile pic, commenting on mutual friends posts etc)

He’s met someone else (it’s not a fucking midlife crisis that’s just a stupid comment) and there’s no easy way to get over it. It’s much better if you have no kids as you can try and get away or start a new life.

Start living your life as if it’s over for good

Yeah you’re right. It’s just mad that he’s left everything we had for some nobody who will end up leaving him anyway because he will treat her like he did me in the end.

It’s thing like deleting photos of him that’s hard because he was in my life for 7 years, I don’t want to delete the last 7 years of my life away but it’s also hard to look at them.

The rejection is hard, I know deep down I’m worth more it’s just he’s knocked my confidence and I need to build that back up it’s just hard to do right now.

If he doesn't even have the willpower to stay faithful in a 5 year marriage, he doesn't have the willpower to stay faithful to whatever fancy piece he has taken up with now.

In time you will feel lucky that you aren't looking over your shoulder wondering who he's messaging and trying to look good for. His new flame has all that to come!

So while it really, really stings right now, there will be a day that you realise you had a lucky escape. The man lacks empathy! He doesn't even feel bad. There's been plenty of people that have left their partners and show empathy to them and try to make it easier and the one's that don't, usually have someone else telling them not to feel bad! Their own selfish needs come first and they've got someone there propping them up.

So without a doubt, there is someone else. You don't need to know who though. All you need to do is pity her that she needed to take someone else's man and pity him for being so weak. You hold your head up high. You're hurt but at least you're a good, decent and moral person - something they aren't. You can sleep at night knowing you haven't messed up someone's life for your own selfish needs

As you are married a divorce will have to be on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour or wait 2 years. The risk with 2 years wait is that he changes his mind on finances.

You could get a legal separation, but it might not hold up in 2 years. Best to consult a solicitor.

Is there significant assets? Equity, savings & Pensions?

It is said it takes a month for every year but I think how the marriage ends is a major factor as if it is sudden or abusive you have to heal from the shock or trauma first. Over time you have to shift your focus from him to time spent healing for yourself. Set yourself a goal to do one thing for yourself each day. Try to focus on a longterm goal, a holiday or activity a year from now.

How someone ends a marriage shows their character. If they display no empathy or kindness then you know that was the real person underneath.
He probadly is in the phase of loving the attention of a new woman and not yet ready to reveal her as it would impact his image. It might knock you back when this happens but know that it is a necessary stage.

I am prepared to be stoned but something about this whole post just seems very "off" to me....

There is no significant savings or anything. I put £15000 down as a deposit for our house that I had from a previous sale of my old house. We have only lived here for just under 2 years and as the first few years of mortgage payments are mainly interest there won’t be much equity from that. He did say he wasn’t bothered about the house and I could keep it. I took that as in I can keep his share of the equity but I hope he doesn’t change his mind as I can’t afford to buy him out. I definitely want to keep the house though. I will go and see a solicitor and ask the about it.

Thank you

He will likely change his mind about the house. I think you suspect this too. All about control. The fact that he is being so cold with you and calling you crazy for daring to be upset about your marriage ending, shows exactly what he is, a massive cunt (and probably a narcissist).

He'll probably be back/make thongs difficult for you. If I were you I would try get out of the housing situation. Freedom from positions that give him the control is always the best move.

*things even xD
Thongs are difficult enough already lol