Married but thinking about ex

[Watchamacallit]

10 years ago, i had the most intense relationship with an ex. We fell crazy in love and the sex was just out of this world. The chemistry that we had was an out of body experience. Due to a silly situation we broke up. I met my husband fell in love and got married. The sex was ok, basically because i did everything. In a couple of months sex turned into non existent. I was a very sexual person but i thought it was ok because my DH is a good kind loving man and i love him dearly. At the end u cant have it all. BUT! We have a zero sex life. We have sex occasionally once or twice a year. We have 2 kids. Lately i reconnected with my ex by phone while my husband was away. In 10 years i have never even looked right or left and i despised people who cheat. Just to become one of them. I did not cheat physically but i did emotionally, we messaged and the heat that i used to feel just hit me right back. 3 days non stop i was turned on like i havent in 10 years. And im dying to have sex again . Pleasurable sex just once in this lifetime again. I feel so bad to say this but my husband is a very bad kisser and when it comes to sex he seriously does not know where the hole is if we tried to have sex!!! Seriously. He is a great guy i have 2 kids and a family i do not intend to ruin. But please someone give me advice what to do i am dying to have good sex once again after all these years and all this sexual frustration!!!!

OP - won’t blame or judge you.
You only have one life.
And rather than destroy your family as people on MN would mostly advise you - i’d say - if there is no sex in the marriage, but everything else is working - why not keep the family and get sex somewhere else.

Hmm I disagree with the above advice...

I reckon, have it out w husband and see if things improve. Give it a shot. If no change, leave.

What was the silly breakup reason?

Don't cheat. You will regret it. Do things cleanly. And use your vibrator in the meantime xx

Thank you for your advice. I talked to him before about it and tried to fix the issue and still nothing changed, i guess some people have it and some dont. I do not want life without him, but there is definitely no passion, only friendship. We are a very good team, and the best of friends, and i do not want my kids to have divorced parents especially that i accepted my situation and life is good. But it is very disappoiting knowing that i am 34 years old , i wont be able to have a good kiss or more for someone extremely sexual. if i think too much about it, it's depressive.

I understand. I think your first port of call is to talk to your husband. And look into some couples therapy. If he's happy to work on the physical stuff, then some exploration.

I kissed a few shite kissers, I told them and demonstrated to them how I'd like to be kissed. It usually worked wonders. I believe anyone willing can learn pretty much anything.

Good luck.

Like others have said, the only route through this is to discuss it with your husband. I understand that you've discussed it previously but you need for him to understand that this is incredibly important to you and a potential "deal breaker" if things aren't addressed.

There aren't many solutions after the conversation, he either agrees to put the effort in, possibly seek counselling or sex therapy to assist and you see where it takes you both; you agree that you occasionally have extra marital sex (and either discuss it or not) or you go your separate ways. I do not think remaining in the marriage as is will work long term and I honestly think cheating is one of the worst things you can do to someone and honestly it would be terrible for yourself as well knowing what you have done and the potential harm it can cause to the whole family.

Anyone can improve how they kiss and you can tell him how you like to be kissed. It will be awkward at first, just talking about it I'm sure but give him the chance to make you happy, I'm sure deep down that's all he really wants if he's as decent as you think.

If this was a man posting, everybody would be up in arms!

Your poor husband. If he found out, he'd be crushed and your family unit could be no more.