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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't even know how to title this post..

4 replies

Arabiannights01 · 18/09/2019 18:34

My DH of 11 years has told me recently that he doesn't want our relationship anymore but then he has also said that he loves me and that if he didn't want to be with me, he would leave. He has also kindly told me how if he was single it would be great because he could go and see his friend all of the time.

My DH suffers from depression, he is also a huge narcissist. A lot of what he says just washes over my head because sometimes he says ridiculous things when he is going through a depressive stage.

DH has a very small business (manual labour type) which he hates and makes him very tired. Since we had our child two years ago, I feel as though we have spent very little time together - he works, goes to the pub more often than not after work. We actually used to work together within the business because he always used to tell me how he couldn't do it alone and he couldn't afford to pay somebody else to help. I am now the main carer of DC and I work PT. We only ever argue about him not coming home after work and the majority of the time it's 9pm+ and I resent him for it because I don't think I should be doing all of the child care and housework. I also have a LT condition and anyone would think he has forgotten about it because he makes no effort to help me around the house or, to even suggest that he look after DC whilst I go out.

Another point to mention is the fact that I used to work for his business and help him run it for 4+ years and now apparently 'I didn't used to work.' (Have a job at all) This hurts a lot because I am now the one with a basic PT job that I hate and he replaced me after 3 months of having DC and always said that I could have my job back but now apparently - there is no way.

I'm sorry for the long post. I do love him but I know that he is acting disgusting towards me and I am struggling. I can't leave because I can't afford to so I am considering going back to university or setting up my own business in case we do split.

OP posts:
Cinammoncake · 18/09/2019 21:00

Poor you. He sounds like hard work. I think you're doing the right thing to start to make plans for your own future work wise. Have you looked into things like benefits you might be entitled to if you left? hopefully others will come along to advise Flowers

Cinammoncake · 19/09/2019 09:40

bumping for you

BearBean1 · 20/09/2019 16:51

Surely it would be better to talk to your DH directly about how you are feeling. Maybe he's acting out because he misses you at work, the huge change in his life since having children, he's not coping with. He could be struggling and taking it out on you. In saying this, do not let him treat you badly, as soon as he says something negative to you, call him out on it, don't let it just be said with zero consequences. Really talk to him about how you are feeling and about he is feeling before you consider leaving him, there are children involved now. (Of course I know an unhealthy relationship is just as bad for children, or worse, than divorced parents) best of luck

Juog · 20/09/2019 19:01

He's not missing you at work, he wants his cake and eats it,he's taking the Micky big time as narcissists do,make plans for yourself, squiwell a little money away whenever you can, and don't think for one minute you can't afford to leave him because there are ways and means.

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