Leaving a cheating partner when neither can afford to buy other out

[HettySunshine]

I'm looking for some advice for a friend.

She found out on Christmas Day that her partner of 12 years was having an affair for about 6 months -it started around the time their 2nd child was born. They have two young children together. Dd is 6 and ds is 14 months.

They own a property with a mortgage together but aren't married.

Since Christmas they have been living separately in the house. He is continuing in his relationship with ow (who also has two young children of her own - not his). He took her to Barcelona for a long weekend in the summer and regularly stays at her home over weekends. He didn't spend any money on entertaining his dc at all over the summer.

My friend is totally destroyed. She has to sit downstairs while he is upstairs packing his bag for the weekend and is unable to do much outside the home in the evenings as he is liable to just walk out at a moment's notice leaving her with the children.

He is refusing to put the house on the market as he feels there is work to be done on it to maximise the sale price but is also unwilling to do any of the work or contribute to the works being done. My friend cannot afford to pay for the work on her own.

He has no real reason to rush the sale as he seems supremely unbothered about the affect this is all having on my friend and their dd. She is only little and it is affecting her schooling and behaviour.

Is there anything my friend can do? She desperately needs to get away from him but she cannot afford to buy him out and can't afford to pay rent and a full set of bills while also being liable for half of everything at this house. She is also reluctant to leave him in the property in case he moves ow & her dc in - although I don't think he has suggested he would do this.

Any advice gratefully received.

Would also add her dp are both deceased and she doesn't have any other family.

See a solicitor would be my advice.
If he has money to spend on weekends away then he can pay for repairs. If not I'd be insisting it goes on the market as it is.
Tell her to get her financial paperwork in order then book a free appointment and get the ball rolling. This guy is massively taking the piss

This is exactly why my husband and I started a "fuck off fund" or as his family call it, "vex money" after hearing of another situation like this. We put a little away in a joint account each month and it is to be used in the event either of us need to leave the house to be apart from the other.

I think she should drop the concern about the OW moving into her house and do what she needs to do to have a healthy home for her child. They need to be away from this.

If she leaves the property (which she can't afford to do but if she did), would that put her in a worse position legally when it comes to trying to get it sold?

We can all advise you but she really needs to speak to a solicitor or Citizens Advice, if she can’t afford a solicitor.

She shouldn’t move out until she’s had advice, so she needs to get this quickly.

If she doesn't live in the house, he would control viewings and could use that to obstruct the sale - he probably does think he will move ow into the house along with her kids and use ow to look after his and friend's kids, minimising child support to pay.

I wouldn't move out until it's sold. See a solicitor to force sale. Be careful about agreeing 50/50 on the children...discuss that with the solicitor also. What's the point for the children if they'll be spending most of that time with ow rather than Mum, anyway?

A couple of us are going round to see friend tonight (he's with ow!). I've got some details of solicitors that do free half hours, a property lawyer a pad and some pens.

We're taking wine and treating her to a takeaway.

Is there anything else we should look into??

I never under stand these type of posts.

It’s glaringly obvious that she needs to see a solicitor. A free half hour won’t do, Book a proper appointment.

Does the fact that they're not married make a difference?

Yes the fact they aren’t married makes a difference. Specific rules apply to the division of assets in a marriage.

These two people just own a property jointly. Assuming they are joint tenants, the proceeds would be split 50/50. If one won’t sell, the other would need to go to court to force the sale. Each has equal rights to reside in the property. If your friend has been a SAHP or contributing significantly less to the mortgage, her ex could argue for a bigger split as they have bought more of the house. She wouldn’t get credit for raising the children as you would in a divorce.

It isn’t a divorce it’s a property dispute. This is separate from custody/contact issues and she might finds she needs one for each dispute as they are different specialisms.

This is why marriage is more important for the eventuality of relationship breakdown than it is for love imo.