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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wrong to judge my friend ?

19 replies

Blueandlilac · 17/09/2019 18:38

She hasn't had an easy time as she's divorced in her mid 20s. She had been with the guy for 6 years and he cheated and is now a stepdad to another girl's child.
This has understandably left my friend in a very bad place.
She's bad some bad moral choices that I do not agree with, and quite honestly make me think less of her. However I wonder if I should cut her some slack because of what she has been through.
A couple of months ago a celebrity who's in his 30s got in touch with her on Twitter. He is married with kids but was messaging her asking to meet up and she agreed. She was also seeing someone at the time. It was very early days tbf but she didn't tell this guy she was messaging the celebrity.
They never met up in the end but the intention had been there. She said it was just that she was a massive fan and didnt fancy him, but she knew he had a family and I feel like she didnt think of them.
On another occasion she had a short fling with a married man. The guy was supposedly having marriage problems) isn't that what they always say ?) and eventually she did the right thing and ended it.
I know she's maybe just made some daft mistakes.
She can be a lovely girl but she has also done stuff like let men buy her expensive stuff or take her places when she has friendzoned them.
Do you think she's just a bit in a dark place since her divorce ?

OP posts:
Ringdonna · 17/09/2019 18:40

Who knows, live and let live.

Hey1256 · 17/09/2019 18:42

Who's knows and I wouldn't let it bother you too much. It's her life let her make her own mistakes.

One thing I've learned with friends and family, unless they ask for your opinion never give it, but if they ask for it I shall be brutally honest!

You're wasting you're breath.

Gruntvsgunt · 17/09/2019 18:42

Who needs enemies and all that.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 17/09/2019 18:43

You seem very involved. Are you sure it's not you this is about?

Blueandlilac · 17/09/2019 18:44

Yeah that's it I should just leave her to it. Just annoyed me that she was texting someone who was a husband with young children, even if she wasnt the married one.
But yeah, it's her life and her choice.

OP posts:
annielouise · 17/09/2019 21:17

I don't think I could like and respect someone like that so wouldn't want her as my friend. Her morals/boundaries are very blurred so to me that's someone I couldn't trust and if there's no trust in a friendship I think what's the point. That's seems to be your gut instinct too. I have higher expectations I suppose of the people I'm friends with.

Eesha · 17/09/2019 21:31

Depends how much you value your friendship. My friend does a lot of dumb things in my view, drugs, bringing random men back home but ultimately that's her choice. She isn't hurting anyone, except maybe herself in the long run. And we still have a great friendship. Let your friend live her life unless you really feel you don't respect her choices. I agree the whole texting married men thing is a no no so not sure I'd want to be friends with someone who is ok with that.

misspiggy19 · 17/09/2019 21:35

I don't think I could like and respect someone like that so wouldn't want her as my friend. Her morals/boundaries are very blurred so to me that's someone I couldn't trust and if there's no trust in a friendship I think what's the point.

^I agree with this. I couldn’t be friends with someone with loose morals.

BellyButton85 · 17/09/2019 21:38

We've all had shit in our lives but don't go around behaving like that.
Also funny how she didn't meet the 'celebrity'...anyone can make up a celebrities social media page and pretend. She sounds naive and quite frankly, stupid

Blueandlilac · 17/09/2019 21:58

Yeah.. Once she started physically shoving me because she claimed I was flirting with a guy she liked. I also knew said guy, we happened to both be in the same room and we must have said 2 words to each other, but she raged and started pushing me. I know she was very drunk but it was pretty bad.
I know she's been on anti depressants and I do feel bad for her. I know we all make mistakes, I think I will just have to leave her to make hers and stay out of it.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/09/2019 22:01

Meh. So she flirted with a celeb and nothing happened and had a short fling with a married man and ended it ?

You sound very judgey. Of the two of you I'd have more of an issue with you if I'm honest. Judginess is a poor personality trait.

eladen · 17/09/2019 22:46

Because slagging people off on a public forum in enough detail for them to recognise it's them their so-called friend is inviting strangers to bitch about is virtuous, is it?

McTits · 17/09/2019 23:02

Some really judgmental people on this thread, I’m sure you’re all perfect and have never made any bad choices in your lives? Hmm
OP - just be there for your friend, keep your nose out of her life but give your opinion if she asks for it. Being judgemental isn’t an attractive quality in a friend either...

Closetbeanmuncher · 18/09/2019 00:25

By the sound of the way she's behaving the divorce left her self esteem in tatters.

The shoving incident is an absolute no-no though, that she needs to sort out.

AmyFl · 18/09/2019 03:21

She had an affair so she is a lowlife, I would never see her again if I was you, OP.

AgentProvocateur · 18/09/2019 04:25

Have you posted about this before? I have deja vu.

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 10:33

Trashy.

Proceed with friendship at your own risk.

There'll be more of the jealousy/territorial/paranoid toddler assaults on you most likely.

Distance yourself and of you insist on being friends with her, always be aware of what her behaviour is like.

GilbertMarkham · 18/09/2019 10:34

*toddler-like

Ohyesiam · 18/09/2019 10:37

It’s not your business, but you don’t have to be friends with people who are out of kilter with your beliefs, because how deep could the friendship ever be.
I have lots of acquaintances like this, but my friends and I are on the same wavelength.

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