Told my husband I'm not in love with him anymore

[Blessed23]

Hi I just need someone to talk to really. I've been with my husband 11years, married for 2 years, we have 3 girls age 10, 8 and 2. My husband can be quite immature, and is a very negative person, and has anger issues,, he's never physically hurt me or the kids but really blows up about stupid things all the time. Other than that he is a lovely person. I know he idolises me. But all of the above over time has pushed me away and I'm at a point now where I don't love him in the right way and I don't want to be with him. I told him this 2 days ago and he was devastated. I hate to see him upset. He wanted to try marriage counselling which I have agreed to, just to make him happy but I totly don't think anything will change. He's trying to be really positive (ironically) that everytgung is going to be OK but I don't know what to do or say because I kinda know it isn't. How can you stay in a marriage when you do t love the person and not want to be intimate with them (although I do have sex with him because he acts like a child if I say no and gets monk on) has anyone been through this and can offer advise xx

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

He does not sound at all lovely actually to any of you. I would also think he has not cared an iota about making you upset so he should not get such consideration from you now. Do you feel responsible for him on some level?. You're having sex with him purely and simply because he sulks otherwise?. You cannot stay in a marriage if you do not love the person and not want to be intimate with them. Staying therefore for the kids is rarely a good idea and in your case a bad one.

I would not be entering into joint counselling with such an individual under any circumstances. He most likely has a problem with anger but not in the ways you think. He has a problem with anger, YOUR anger when you rightly call him out on such behaviours. I also think he has suggested joint counselling anyway because he knows you've finally had enough and this is his cynical attempt to keep you around a bit longer. He can likely control himself around other people so it could be that he is angry solely at you. You do not deserve that from him and for that matter nor do your kids (who in turn are seeing all this from him). Such men also do not change.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here from the two of you?. Would you want them to have such a relationship as adults, no you would not. You cannot do your bit here to teach them that a loveless marriage could be their norm too.

OP, having sex with someone just so they don't sulk is just horrendous.

it just shows zero respect for you or your feelings.

it's basically him masturbating using you.

why on earth would you stay with someone who had such little regard for your body or feelings?

Dont stay.

You don't like him much and given he basically bullies you into sex, I'm not surprised.

Tell him you've given it thought and it's a no. Make plans to move out or agree for him to etc and get your happiness starting now

Don't waste your time with counselling OP, the marriage is dead. And please stop having sex with him.

I told my STBEXH I wasn't happy last year. I knew I wanted to end it and didn't love him anymore. He said he would go to counselling and do anything to fix it. My response was that I don't want to fix it. Which said it all.

I hope I'm not being one of those vultures who infest this forum, feeding on the flesh of others' relationships before they're even dead, but: congratulations on seeing the truth of your situation. Which is, AFAICS, that your marriage is, indeed, dead.

I’m in exactly the same boat. Except for one difference, I’ve not told him..

If you’ve read previous posts you’ll have realised that aside from his selfishness and the emotional abuse that goes on it’s hardly an ideal situation..

But I’m in a vulnerable financial situation and need to get this rectified ASAP before I can go forward as he’ll make my life hell.

Yeah don't bother with counselling. He sounds like a complete tosser and you don't want to fix things, which is fair enough.