Can we work things out

[Charlotte128]

My ex left me a few weeks back. Ive not been handling it well as it came as abit of a shock but as far as break ups go its not been that bad of one. Theres been no arguing of any kind. Bit of back story... we've known each other 5 years. We were in kind of am on off fwb thing since we first met. We were together for 2 years, engaged for 8 months of that. We live only about 10 miles about but neither of us are currently driving. In the last few months i have been quite ill, highly contagious at one point, so kept my distance from him. Ive also had alot of problems withing the family with my mum becoming very sick after an operation. So in this time we hadnt seen eachother. We spoke whenever we could though. Ive also not had a huge sex drive, again due too deal with everything and also being on a new form of contraception so i understand he would be feeling a little rejected by my distance. Anyway, he said he doesnt feel the same way about me anymore. He has said he still cares for me but isnt in love with me like he was. I completely understand why he would feel like we werent connecting anymore, he was reaching out to me more than i was to him and i wasnt doing anything to help keep the spark while not seeing eachother. He suffers with depression and anxiety and ive been in a pretty bad place myself lately. Ive come off my contraception since the break up and alot of my family problems are easing as well as my not being ill anymore and i already feel so much better and happier in myself, apart from being ripped apart by not being together anymore, and my sex drive has greatly increased again. We've spoken about things and then i decided it was time for no contact. He messaged me on day 5 of no contact and again this morning on day 7. The conversation somehow ended up about my lack of sex drive lately and how even before we got together we used to have sex. I said that couldnt carry on after having been in a relationship as it would make things worse, he agreed. We are meeting up in a few days so itll be the first time we've seen eachother, not only since the break up but in a few months. I really want us to work things out. Does it seem likely that we can? Is there a good chance that he will see me again after all this time and realise it was just the distance between us that made him feel like he had fallen out of love with me? In need of advice as im worried that im setting myself up to get hurt even more by meeting him and hoping we can resolve things

I mean, if you think the issues that had caused the problems have more or less resolved themselves then maybe you can. It's hard to tell from your OP but the one thing that I would be concerned about is that did he dump you as soon as sex wasn't on the plate as much or he had to emotionally support you a bit or do you think that maybe you were pushing him away?

I think it was probably more him feeling like i was pushing him away. I had no real interest in sex or talking about sex. I wasnt contacting him as much and when i was it was mostly just a quick how are you, hows work, and telling him how crap i felt where as he was doing most of the talking asking how i was and how my mum was. Telling me he loved and missed me and couldnt wait til we finally moved in together and could be together all the time. Ive never been good with showing my feelings or affection, especially in public, either unless ive been drinking. Hes nearly always had to be the one to initiate things. So i really do understand why he would feel like i didnt want him. I know i need to start communicating more again and i know i need to start to show more affection but how can i show him that i can do that if we're broken up and i cant get as close to him?

Well there's no harm in giving it another shot if he wants aswell, what's the worst that could happen?

I dont know that he wants to. He says he doesnt want to lose me and he'll always care for me but when i asked him to try again he said he wasnt prepared to talk about it right now. He said his head was all over the place and he needed time and space. That was only a few days to a week after he first ended things. Its now been almost 3 weeks and we have had very limited contact since but are meeting on thursday for the first time since i got ill at the beginning of july

Well if you're meeting up he must be ready to talk? Just make sure that it's not the he wants to meet you for sex and nothing else. I wouldn't be sleeping with him unless he wants a relationship

When he broke up with me he said he was struggling with his depression and didnt think being in a relationship was the best thing for him at the moment, he said he needed abit of a break to sort his head out. It was only when spoke again that he said he had fallen out of love with me. He was still telling me how in love with me he was and excited for our future together right up until about a week before he broke up with me. He said he was sorry but we were over but that we never know what the future holds. He said he was sorry things had reached this point. I do think though that alot of it is due to our lack of communication and not having seen eachother lately. It would have caused his anxiety to creep back up.

There will definitely be no sex involved. We're meeting at his place of work for a few hours between shifts

Well long distance relationships are tough, I guess all you can do is have a chat and see how he feels now and go from there? You two would definitely need to work on your communication skills though if you are going to try again

Yeah i guess so. Im just hoping that once we actually get to see eachother again things will start to come back and he'll remember that he really does love me and it was just the distance between us that brought all this on. Maybe that just wishfull thinking. And im not expecting him to see me and declare his undying love for me, i know itll still take abit of time but im hoping that itll be a really good start. Does any of that seem likely? Or am i being abit delusional?

If it’s this hard at this stage, it’s not working. Is it really what you want deep down?