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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotionally unavailable man, is it time time to go?

1 reply

Summer2003 · 17/09/2019 00:35

8 years with DP, we live in separate houses by choice, did nearly move in, but didn't. I have a DS from previous. Was great at first, he was kind, funny & social. He's now the complete opposite. Lazy, selfish & no support.
Completely emotionally unavailable.
I had abdominal surgery recently, he reluctantly stayed over as nurse wouldn't let me home alone to a 16yr old. I really struggled post op, the anesthesia & pain hit me hard, plus I was pretty sick in the run up & was a feeble emotional wreck for about 9 days, he came to visit x2. No offer of help around the house with day to day chores, cooking etc, even though I coukd barely carry a plate, just said DS could do it as he's 16. DS was in middle of choosing colleges at time & was stressed & was helping as much as any 16yr DS would.
Another red flag was a very close family member spent 1 month in critical hospital care, I was really worried & sad, not so much as a hug, just a brief pat on the back & he just turned every conversation around to what if he was in that situation with the illness & how it would affect him!
He's also been on a radical diet to lose 2 stone & all through my abdominal surgery & the medically advised diet I was on he kept comparing his diet to my illness/surgery, literally every conversation he manages to turn around to be about him & how it affects him. Add to this constant negativity, no zest for life, getting angry for tiny stupid reasons, like an email not being answered instantly,
Ranting a bit, sorry!......... Anyone here have any experience of emotionally avoidant men & how to make the split??

OP posts:
Minionmomma · 17/09/2019 07:05

Sounds like my husband. You know you deserve to feel loved right? 8 years is a looong time and we can just become accustomed to certain behaviour as the norm. I did loads of reading around narcissism thinking this was my husband’s issue but then I came across something called counter dependency and it’s my husband to a T. Never wrong, highly critical, emotionally cold (with me but not our children interestingly) workaholic etc. My self esteem is low but I eventually hit the wall. No more. I called time and he seems absolutely fine and even has a bounce in his step. You just have to remind yourself that your needs aren’t being met in this relationship and it’s actually making you feel low. That’s NOT normal. Know your worth xx

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