Broody- Any advice please!

[Aim840]

Hello All!

Quick background I'm 35,married. Been with hubs 17.5 years. We have 3 children 14,13 and 12 (2 boys 1 girl). I absolutely love being a mum. I always imagined myself with 4. I was young when I fell pregnant with my ds's and dd (unplanned as on contraception) but very much wanted!. My parents were furious so had to keep pregnancy quiet everytime,never got to enjoy etc. They actually stopped talking to me. Disappointed I had babies so young!

I am desperate for another baby, I cant stop thinking about it. I dream about it. My husband has always worked 13hr days,even when our 3 were babies,so I've always done everything-which I loved! I miss the nappies and the pregnancy bump,feeding etc. Husband has said he doesnt want anymore. I hoped this feeling would pass but it isnt and ive felt like this for over 3 years. I have a copper coil, I would never remove and 'accidentally ' fall pregnant. I couldnt deceive my husband like that.

How do I get over this feeling? It's horrible. It's making me so sad. I'm grieving over what ifs and what could be. I even have names picked. Lots of my family and friends are heavily pregnant or literally have just given birth,in so pleased and happy for them to experience motherhood but I then feel sad its not me. I just wish my husband would change his mind before it really does become too late for us x

Any advice please?

Thank you so much x

:(

In spite of the 35 "cliff' hysteria, the fact is that the majority of women get pregnant within 2 years up til 40, when things become patchier.

So you still have time to work on your husband.

But the question is -should you work on him.

You've already experienced pregnancy, babies etc - it's easy to only remember/focus on the plus points.

Thank you for your reply.
I do remember the bad bits too but I still loved it all,whether that was because I was young and didnt need as much sleep and had more energy!

You are right in what you say . Do i have the right to 'work on him'. I think i just keep hoping this feeling will past and it doesnt seem to. I just worry one of us will end up resenting the other!.

Thank you again I appreciate your thoughts x

I'm guessing your husband works 13 hour days, exhausting by any standards to support you all.

If that is so, it would be quite unfair to impose the huge expense another baby might bring - bigger car, bigger house, you not being able to work etc. Maybe he sees finally some light at the end of the tunnel in your current situation?

Dd is almost 12 and I have 8yo dtds. I do think that once they're 11/12 I'll suddenly want a baby because it's a bit of a new stage and I'll miss the little children stage. Dh is really struggling with dd1 suddenly growing up. I think we'll probably get a puppy! (We're not having a baby!)

Thank you for your reply. My husband doesnt need to work 13 hour days financially ,he choses to. He works in an office and enjoys his work. We are lucky enough to have paid our mortgage off and be quite stable money wise. He chooses to do long hours partly because he feels the company need him, not because of money pressure. We arent on any benefits etc, we provide for ourselves. As for our car,its a 7 seater and home is big enough for 1 more!

As for light at the end of the tunnel,you are probably right. Although as good a dad as he is,he isnt a natural as such and did very little when they were growing up,even when he was home! So I'm sure his life would change that much!

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate other peoples thoughts x

Thank you for your reply!
I always wanted a 4th even when mine were small. Husband said at the time we had boys and a girl so we had each gender so why go for another! It's got harder for me as they've gotten older! I'm lucky as my 14yr still hugs me and lives to spend time with me etc.
We got a puppy last year as our dog passed away. I hoped it would help but it hasnt! May be I need to retrain as a nursery nurse or something with children! Get my baby fix that way! X

I don’t understand this at all ...perhaps you have a feeling of needing to be needed?

You're really lucky if you have never felt like this,its horrid. I dont think its wanting to be needed as I'm already needed, and I know that. The house doesnt function properly without me!so it's not that. It's literally me that the children always go to etc.

Hi OP,

I can understand what you are going through. I have 3 DC a teen, tween and toddler and I’ve been broody since my youngest.

I just have the feeling of not being done, I don’t know why especially since life certainly doesn’t lend itself to having another DC. There are a ton of practical reasons for not having another. Despite all this I could easily go for one more, I won’t though and have resigned myself to the fact. The way I look at it I’m very lucky to have what I have now which is three fantastic amazing children who I love to bits and while I feel a little void who is to say that one more DC will fill it...maybe it will never be filled even if I was to have 10 more DC (slight exaggeration but you see where I’m going) so I’m going to love what I have now and know that I am lucky to have it, well I’m working on it

Just remember having a baby is not just that. The child could have a physical/learning problem or the pregnancy could adversely affect your health.

Sounds negative but I think these are thing to take into consideration when you have the rest of the family to consider.