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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Failing on all levels

1 reply

ffsakes22 · 16/09/2019 18:03

I feel kind of lost when thinking of my future and career, considering my family situation.
Long story short: I am a single parent and for the past 10 years I have been working full-time in schools in support roles, as a TA or a learning support assistant. I feel like I cannot or do not want to do it anymore, despite all the advantages of this job, such as school hours and long holidays, which are very important for me as a single parent… I am fed up, discouraged, the job is poorly paid and I have too many negative thoughts and doubts about the whole state of education these days to want to stay in a school.
As a single parent working with kids I feel just drained on a daily basis and sometimes I think that my own kids miss out on me being a good mum for them, as all my energy and effort, the best I have in me, are given to the children at school… and it’s just not fair on my own kids. I have almost no time for myself either, as I rush after work to collect my kids form their school and they see their dad 2-3 days a month, so I am practically with the kids the huge majority of my time, in and out of work, and sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind and also crave adult time, conversations, pastimes etc. or even a bit of alone time!
I also just get by financially, earning ca 15k a year when I know I could do so much better. It worries me that despite working hard, we can afford very little and I cannot think of any house investments, savings, not even mentioning holidays or treats.
On top of that, I am failing in terms of my private life. Despite being divorced from my kid’s dad for over 8 years, I still haven’t managed to meet anyone and form a relationship, even though I would really want to. I think I am a kind person and not a hideous one, but it’s just not happening to me, despite efforts to date…. But it’s a separate topic, really, work&career are my main issue now.
Sometimes just don’t know what to do with myself. The natural route for me would be to become either a HLTA, or a learning mentor, or a teacher, but again, it means staying in a school in a teaching role, which I don’t want.
I would not mind working in a school in an admin role but I have no experience or relevant qualifications to do so. I even spoke to my headteacher about dropping my hours down and volunteering in our own school office, to get on the job experience, but she did not agree. I applied for admin jobs at other schools but never get invited to interviews, once I was invited and straight away they wanted me to consider a TA role, based on my experience.

I am not British and have a degree from another country so I cannot just go back to university as I will not get a student’s loan, and I cannot afford to pay the fees myself. The only courses I could possibly go for, that I could count on tuition fees to be paid, would be teaching, social work or nursing and I do not want to go down any of these routes, for the reasons given above.
I would say I am an intelligent and hard working person, with lots of certain type of work experience and well developed soft skills but I lack practical skills and qualifications that are useful. I know could still achieve a lot in terms of career f I had an opportunity to go back to uni or gain new qualifications but my problem is that I am just not sure what to invest in and worried about failing. I was thinking of bookkeeping, business or HR/CIPD courses, just to gain some useful skills but still, they are not cheap and I don’t even know if I would be entitled to any benefits if voluntarily dropped my hours at work.

I am 42 years old, my children are 11 and 14, so more and more independent so I could spend the next 1-3 years on investing in my future career, I am just afraid of making the wrong choice and how I would cope financially. Sometimes I am so fed up that I am even thinking of leaving my current role and doing any physical job part-time, so I have time to do courses and have a breather from this constant high stress job, but then I am worried we will just not cope money wise.
Any advice, where to start if considering any future career choices, for someone like me?
Anyone has experienced similar doubts or was in a similar situation and how did you sort it out? I am really really afraid of failing and losing my independence but I do not see myself living like this in 5 years or more…

OP posts:
pog100 · 16/09/2019 19:03

If you are finding a TA job stressful don't under any circumstances think about teaching, it's many times more stressful, but I think you know that. Have you checked whether s foreign degree disqualifies you for student loans here? Some sort of degree level qualification is the obvious choice I think. I know you are finding life tough but with a school hours job and kids that age you should be able to try volunteering in a few roles to find out what's suitable. I think your stress and lack of time is more to go with your dissatisfaction than anything.
I think your feelings are very common in most people your age, there isn't an easy solution. Good luck though, you sound very self aware.

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