Meeting with ex

[Charlotte128]

My ex left me a few weeks back. Ive not been handling it well as it came as abit of a shock but as far as break ups go its not been that bad of one. Theres been no arguing of any kind.

Bit of back story... we've known each other 5 years. We were in kind of am on off fwb thing since we first met. We were together for 2 years, engaged for 8 months of that. We live only about 10 miles about but neither of us are currently driving. In the last few months i have been quite ill, highly contagious at one point, so kept my distance from him. Ive also had alot of problems withing the family with my mum becoming very sick after an operation. So in this time we hadnt seen eachother. We spoke whenever we could though. Ive also not had a huge sex drive, again due too deal with everything and also being on a new form of contraception so i understand he would be feeling a little rejected by my distance. Anyway, he said he doesnt feel the same way about me anymore. He has said hes still attracted to me and cares for me but isnt in love with me like he was. We've spoken about things and then i decided it was time for no contact. He messaged me on day 5 of no contact and again this morning. The conversation somehow ended up about my lack of sex drive lately and how even before we got together we used to have sex. I said that couldnt carry on after having been in a relationship as it would make things worse, he agreed. We are meeting up in a few days so itll be the first time we've seen eachother, not only since the break up but in a few months. I really want us to work things out. Does it seem likely that we can? Is there a good chance that he will see me again after all this time and realise it was just the distance between us that made him feel like he had fallen out of love with me? Am i just being too optimistic? In need of advice as im worried that im setting myself up to get hurt even more by meeting him and hoping we can resolve things

Please help. Im going crazy overthinking and over analyzing. I know its my fault hes left. I know he wouldve been feeling unwanted and like i didnt love him. I just feel like if i could get him to see just how much i love and want him and how much better things will be again that we can get past this but i dont know how to do that. How can i show him that ill be around more and show him more affection, sexually and non sexually, if we've broken up so i cant get close to him in the same way. Im sure if he felt connected again we could resolve things

Dress up nicely for your meeting - make an effort and show him that he's still worth looking nice for.

I assume you still fancy him? Let him know that.
Explain it to him and explain the feelings for your low sex drive.

There must be other reasons you split too?
You need to talk these through and resolve them before you do have sex with him.

Unless there another reason that he hasnt told me then i think thats all it can really be. Ive not really been there for him for one reason or another for the last 2 months so i completely understand how and why he would think he had fallen out of love with me. We havent done anything to keep us connected in that time apart from texting and the occasional call. It doesnt stop it hurting though. Do you think that if he sees me, especially if i look good, and i can try being more confident/forward, ive always been very shy leaving him to do most of the initiating, that he'll start to feel wanted again and be reminded of how much he actually does love and miss me? I dont expect miracles from the first meeting. I know its going to take time to get back what we had. But do you think its at all possible?

What effort has he put in the last few months ... has he been contacting you and you not replying?

Just want a vibe for what he brings to the table too x x

He has been yeah. He was definitely the one that made first contact the most, even just to ask how i was or how my day had been. Or just to tell me how much he loved and missed me and couldnt wait til we finally got our own place together so we could be together all the time. He suffers with anxiety alot so it wouldnt take much for him to start feeling like i wasnt interested anymore. Im sure he wouldve felt like i didnt appreciate him and took him for granted. I know i was going through a lot but i see now that i should still have made more time for him. I just hope its not too late

He also tried to initiate sexting a few times but i get very self consious about things like that, so add that to the lack of sex drive and my head being all over the place, i just couldnt do it.

Thank you. It sounds like there is potential
There and his anxiety has taken control
So he has broken it off to protect himself .

You need to be as honest as possible about where you head has been and hopefully he will understand. It can be incredibly frustrating when someone you are close to pushes you out of their life rather than lean on you in hard times. If it’s your normal
Default setting to push people away perhaps you can work On not repeating the behaviours then he may be able to move past it and in the future support you ... if you have gone off sex because your in a bad place talk to him about it ... don’t ignore him perhaps
He will be happy just giving you a cuddle ... which is good for you and him x x

Good Luck you sound like a lovely lady who just lost her way for a while x x

P.s I don’t like sexting either 😉 i used to read a book or watch a film while sexting when younger and I can assure you i was really into the book or film and it really doing anything I was saying I was 😂😂😂

Not doing

Thank you. I really hope so. I didnt think it was my usual way, to push people away. I always thought he was normally the one to push people away, hes done it to me in the past before, years ago, and does it to mates alot when his anxiety and depression go into overdrive. I will definitely work on making sure i communicate more in future. I believe my contraception had a lot to do with my lack of sex drive, since he broke up with me i have stopped taking using it as i felt it wasnt helping with my mood and have since noticed a huge increase in my sex drive again. When he broke up with me he said we were over but that you never know what the future holds and how sorry he was. When i tried to ask him think about giving things another go he said he wasnt prepared to talk about it right now and that he was sorry things had reached this point. That was only a week into the break up. Since then we have had very limited contact. I know i really shouldnt but i really am pinning all my hopes on him seeing me after all this time and things starting to come back

How can i show him that i can be more affectionate towards him? Obviously if we were still together there are various ways i could show him but as we're not i dont feel like id be able to get as close to him as before, like physically, i feel like he would want me to keep abit more distance, not invade his personal space. Which makes it hard for me to show him things can be different/go back to how they were when things were good. I know i could tell him but i know i need to show him too

So unless you have sex every time you see him, he falls out of love with you? You were ill ffs and dealing with a lot.

If he can't love you without frequent sex to reassure him, what's going to happen if you get back together and have kids etc? It was a couple of months, not years! Will he punish every normal life caused reduced sex drive by dumping you again?

You both agreed NC, and he breaks leading to him placing all the blame on your SHORT term reduced sex drive. Any sorry i broke your heart during a really different time of sickness? Any responsibility taken for his part in the break up? Any ideas other than you providing more sex?

OP you're putting a helluva lot of effort into someone who has done nothing for you during these difficult few months. Please do not have sex with this guy, it's all he wants now.