Sexting

[Zazu44]

Have been going through a bad time with relationship for a few years, recently found out he has been for a drink with another woman and then found a disgusting text between them. Going from forgiving to angry, he says he was lonely and our sex life dwindled, and I cant get it out my head. Would you say this is cheating or just something to get over and move on - so torn.

I count it as cheating. Disgusting behaviour for someone in a relationship.

Yes it’s cheating. Sorry OP.

Quelle Surprise its all your fault.

Of course it’s cheating!

Sexting is cheating...and he has met with her at least once. He has shifted the blame to you with the “lonely and dwindled sex life” excuse. If he had issues, he could have acted with integrity by trying to work it out with you or by ending the relationship. Instead, he chose infidelity.

Yes it's cheating.
Would you do it to him?
How would he feel if you did?
I'm getting the 'ick factor just reading your post.

It is cheating. So what if your sex life was dwindling? What did he do to fix that problem? Is it therefore OK for you to sext others? He should be begging forgiveness. Not blaming. He's a twat.

100% Cheating!!!!!!!! He sounds incredibly selfish...so your sex life dwindled, that’s not a pass to take another woman out and exchange dirty texts. Leave him with your self respect in tact. Good luck x

Firstly

Secondly, if it helps, I'm in exactly the same position as you OP. There is no doubt about it that it is cheating but I have learnt since finding out myself that relationships are more complicated when someone cheats than LTB. We've been together nearly 8 years and I always thought I would leave if he cheated, but it is amazing how an incident like this can open the lines of communication back up and open up a situation you didn't know was so bad. I'm currently reading the book 'How Can I ever Trust You Again' by Andrew Marshall and it is giving good insight to the other side of the story, why he felt the need to look elsewhere, it might be worth a read?. How long have you been together?

Sexless** been together almost 9 years and there's other things to consider. Are you saying you understand why he's done it and forgive him?

Definitely cheating. I wouldn't put up with that.

I agree, cheating. But perhaps some couples counselling? X

There are so many married people sexting nowadays the divorce courts wouldn’t have time to process them all if everyone got divorced. And yes amazingly the prospect of leaving is quite different when you’re confronted with the reality. So is it cheating ? Yes it’s a form of cheating but it’s not as bad as actually bedding someone else IMO. So do you actually want to save the relationship because you’re going to have to listen to his explanation of what motivated him and see if it’s something you can overcome together.

This would devastate me. Sexting is bad, going for drinks.... What were they talking about i wonder? Sorry OP I'd leave him

I couldn't forgive this and class it as cheating.
I can never fathom how people can't have a conversation on what needs improving but can shove a whole load of attention elsewhere rather than sit their partner down and discuss issues. This isn't a dig you OP x

@Zazu44 - yes I believe that I have (sort of). At the end of the day, yes there is no doubt about that it is cheating, in my case they also had a 'fumble' but in my situation I was culpable (I am in NO way say you are). I neglected him, I shouted when I was frustrated and we ended up in the circular notation where no one was happy. The book I mentioned is helpful from this regard, it shows both sides of the story. Most people who 'cheat' have a reason, I'm not excusing it in the slightest, but we are going to work together to ensure this never happens again and hopefully we come out the other side of counselling and self help books, a stronger couple. In the first instance I think you need to decided whether you want to forgive him and try, if the answer is no then there's nothing that can be done. If the answer is yes, it will be painful and come in crippling waves but soon there is a sense of normality until you can forgive (but never forget) - I'm still in the crippling waves section but I'm getting there, and you will to. I hope the above helps you a little, I fully understand your pain.

Thankyou all, yes sexless I'm not blameless, he's been hideous about post menopausal weight gain and I've shut myself away from him which is why he said he felt lonely. It's not the first time this has happened and I think our problems have been ongoing for years. I go from wanting to leave to wanting it to work, and I guess I just need to figure that bit out first. He likes things his own way and can be controlling and emotionally abusive. Of course I have my faults too and can be stubborn and introverted around him but I just want to be happy again and I'm not.
It has helped Sexless and I'm glad you're working through it 😊

You say you have been having problems with relationship for a few years and it's not just the sexting. Have these problems ever been talked about between you both? If there's problems anyway then they also need to be sorted. Lack of communication is never good in relationships