Do you think some people run away when they develop feelings?

[ashleyt]

Do you think this is true?
Or do you think this is just a myth that people use to feel better about a guy ditching them?

I think mostly not. However, sometimes someone can be shy if they like someone. When I was younger, I had the biggest crush on this guy and he would ask me out and I would make up plans because I was too shy or sometimes I would not talk to him etc. But in my experience, this is rare and people usually don't do this. I outgrew this, thankfully. It was when I was a teen, so young.

I think it's something people say to help them or someone else feel better. A bit like telling someone after several dates that they've decided they're not ready to have a relationship.....they mean 'with you'.

That's not to say it can't be true, there's always the exception.

I had the exception. I went out with a young man and out of the blue he dumped me. He was a cousin of my best friend. Without my knowing he has spent years asking my best friend about me and actually confessed to her that we had been developing serious feelings and thought he was too young, so run a mile. I was 18 so thought there was something wrong with me. I am 45 now he married and had a daughter and whenever he sees his cousin he still asks. He said he should've lived it out and not run away. Grass wasn't greener it seems.

I've walked away from a potentially good new relationship in the past because I was scared of how much I liked him and couldn't deal with the risk of getting hurt again too soon after a previous long term relationship finished. I frequently wonder if I made a big mistake.

I have done this before, possibly a fear thing. I have done counselling and know my attachment type now so I can recognise alot of triggers, but alot in the past I have thought a relationship is all "a bit much" and just broke it off, irrelevant to my feelings or theirs. Its just looked like it was getting a bit serious so I bolted.

With all that said, I do believe non of the partners were ever the right one for me.

I think people say it to be nice to the dumpee.

It's not you, it's me kind of thing.

I think it's because deep down, they know it doesn't feel right for them.

I have never known anyone to like somebody so much that they have to dump them, but this is only my experience.

Yes, I was in a FWB thing and we both strted to get feelings and pulled away and ended it. 6 months later we decided that actually we did want each other and we have been seeing each other for a year exclusively.

I had not long been out of a very long relationship when we got together for the first time, he couldnt wrap his head round why I would want to be together with him even in a FWB scenario and not want to be out pulling men left right and centre. Our time apart made him realise that it was me he wanted to be with, and we are very happy now.

Its not been easy as both of us are very cautious (and I hold a lot of scars from the previous relationship) and can at times be guarded but we are learning.

I had similar to @UnicornsExist and @Horsesforcourses23.
Developed feelings for someone and called it off because I got scared of getting hurt. Realised three months later what a big mistake I made, I got back in touch to try again but they had moved on. I blew my chance.

Depends on whether you mean permanently run away or not. People can take weeks or months to process their feelings.

I think I've had experience of this, and when I described the behaviour to friends there was a mix of 'oh they're not ready!' and 'no one that cares about you treats you that way!'

So I've yet to determine whether it's a permanent runaway.

Of course they do!

Feelings are fucking scary. Far safer to be on your own and having transactional friendships/relationships.

An old boss of mine was like this. She'd confide in me something about her boyfriend or whatever, I'd be sympathetic, then the next working day she'd treat me like shit. She had exposed her vulnerability to me and to her that was too frightening to deal with.

Yes they do. I've both had it done to me and done it to another person. From therapy I've realised we both had attachment disorders and I have CPTSD. The feelings were too big to cope with and to challenging so we'd run away, blow hot and cold and eventually I cut him out my life.