Pregnant to ExH

[NTHF]

Hi so story is we split up the end of August I found out on Saturday that I'm pregnant with our 4th baby.

I honestly don't know whether to keep the baby or not as I feel I just got rid of ex and I would need a bigger house, car etc. Also my mental state isn't the best when I have a baby, I have to see a CPN for a while everytime and how could I do all that alone?

On the other hand how could I have a termination when I kept their brother and sisters. I'm wondering has anyone else been in this situation? And could I have your opinions please?
TIA

You need to speak to your ex, if you still have a half decent relationship.
Could you afford another child?
Would it impact the quality of life of your other DC's?

Sorry you're in this position OP.

Thought it might be helpful to note that a large proportion of women who have abortions already have children. You're definitely not a monster if you terminate as a mother.

I’m sorry that you find yourself in this tough situation.
I have been in a similar situation and for me it came down to the impact on my children a decision not taken lightly.
No one can tell you what’s right for you and I think you should not not feel like a bad person if you put your existing family first.

I would recommend going to your GP ASAP and asking for a referral. You need to talk this through with an expert and work out what is in YOUR best interests.

I wouldn't tell ExH until after you have made your decision and only then if you decide to keep it. You need to do what is right for you.

Goodluck x

Firstly, are you still legally married and are their assets for division?

Thanks for the advice everyone. I could afford another child but it would be an absolute struggle for years to come.

Yes still legally married with no assets to divide. Me and exH have a strained relationship atm.

Having another child would impact my dc that I already have in a way that I would be stressed out, tired, money would be short and I'd be mentally unwell.
The thing is I live in Northern Ireland so it illegal to have an abortion but I'm aloud to travel to have it done so I don't know if I should even tell gp.

Don't tell anyone but a good counsellor.
PP is right, ex will use it against you forever.

Your body, your choice.

Call BPAS they can help you access support and also funds to travel I think. The might also be able to suggest someone you can talk your decision through with. Sorry you're in the situation OP

www.bpas.org/abortion-care/considering-abortion/northern-ireland-funded-abortion-treatment/

Call BPAS or Marie Stopes for some advice. They have free 24 hour helplines and can counsel you through this better than anyone on here.

I wouldn’t tell your ex unless you decide to keep it. It’s entirely up to you but personally in your position I think would terminate, for your existing DC’s sake above all else.

No one can tell you what to do this is your decision and yours only. I had a termination even though I didn't really want to because I had to put my existing children first. They were my priority. I don't regret my decision although it was hard.
There are people out there you can talk to, seek the support you need.

Thanks everyone, I phoned BPAS and they gave me great advice so I've made the decision to terminate I don't know when it will be cause I still need a call back from the nurse but I just want to thank everyone for your advice and opinions. It really helped me realise I'm not a bad person or mother xxx

It really helped me realise I'm not a bad person or mother xxx

You're certainly not. You're a very strong woman taking an incredibly difficult decision.

This.^^

You're making a very difficult decision on the basis of what's best for your existing DC, not on what is currently just a collection of cells.

DO NOT tell your ex. He doesn't need to know.

Do you have some RL support who could go with you? Family, close friends?

Thank you, yes I've told my mum and dad and my best friend. I'm not gonna tell my ExH. I was in a coersive relationship with him and he will try and get me to keep it and stay together as a family but since we split up and I got the house and the DC I feel so free so, I don't want to be trapped again and that's what it would feel like.

I felt like I was beginning to start being me again and I refuse to go back to that, I didn't even realise how bad it was until I spoke to my CPN and she showed me it wasn't a normal relationship.

Of course you're not a bad person, you've made a hard decision for the good of your family.

Don't tell him and move on, good luck xx