Split up? Or stay and see if improves?

[A789A]

Trying to make this decision and I guess I'm looking for some clarity, feeling very confused!

Im late 20s, been with partner 9 years. We've got baby and a toddler. Last few years our relationship has really gone down hill. He shows absolutely no affection, never wants sex (the one time we did if after eldest was born I got pregnant again). In separate rooms. Lots of arguing. We don't seem to be able to communicate.

I just don't know how much of this is down to current situation having 2 under 2, he has stressful job and not much time to help out at home and money is tight. I've been saying to myself past 3 years it will get better as life gets easier. But now I'm thinking maybe it won't and if breaking up is inevitable then it's probably best to do it now when kids are young and we can get on with our lives?

If I'm honest with myself I don't want to be with him anymore. But I'm terrified about being a single mum and not sure I've got the strength to do it alone. And also worry that id never meet anyone else. Don't think men in late 20s/early 30s don't go for single mums?

Im not so worried about impact on kids as I'm a firm believer that they'd be much better off away from the arguing.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

I stayed in a relationship like this . 12 years later still no sex or affection , or consideration . I wouldn’t recommend it if you can split up honestly . It’s a lonely life

Two small children can take such a toll on a marriage. They don't always, but the trouble is if it does start slipping you don't necessarily have the time/energy/motivation to do much about it for such a long time that you've drifted too far apart to fix easily. Add in arguments and so much has been said it that space of time that hurts and resentment run deep.

Personally I would have a really frank chat, letting him know that you're concerned that your relationship is heading in a doomed direction and would he be interested in you both digging deep to see if you could recultivate it (that's assuming no abuse or affairs). If he is then you both give it the best you've got and see what happens. Marriage counseling, dates, individual counselling, lots of talking etc. If he's not fussed then, well, you have your answer because you can't sort it alone.

Sorry you're not actually married, but same applies!

I was in a similar situation after 7 years married. DC's were 2 and 4. I couldn't decide what was best.
Lo and behold we had an argument. I told him to leave so that I could get head space for a bit.
He did. And bunked up with a very close friend. And I mean bunked up.
Divorce ensued.
It was painful and it was difficult.
They're two gorgeous young people in their 20s now and very wise with it.
Good luck

Very close female friend of mine I will add.

If you do not want to be with him any more then don't be. Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here from you two?. Do not stay within this relationship just because or for the children because they wont say "thanks mum" to you for doing that to them.

I'd say get out but don't worry about 'who will want a single mum'. Learn to manage alone, to be self sufficient for a while. It will make you stronger - you can worry about dating a bit further down the line!