Feel completley stuck

[Mysty83]

I wrote on here a while back, I'd decided I wanted out of my marriage, I was/am so miserable. I got to the point of filling in divorce papers a few months back but then he convinced me to stay and I agreed to giving things another go. Hes been divorced before and does not want to go through it again. We have 2 children together and he has 2 of his own. Thing is im still so miserable, nothing has changed and I regret not going through with it. I find him impossible to live with. We have done counselling and it didnt help. Weve just come back from a family holiday and I hated being with him. Hes stressy and snappy and turns everything on me. Things blow up bewteen us hen we agree to do things differently, it's better briefly and then back to square one.
Thing is when I tried to leave before he made it so hard, he wouldnt agree to selling the house so i would have to wait for divorce to go through which could take forever. I cant move out to family because he would let the house go to ruin and it would never sell plus hed say i was taking his kids away. I also cant bear the thought of being away from my kids and having shared custody. I dont completely trust him with them, he would never harm them but we have completely different parenting styles, he shouts, threatens to smack them then is overly nice and bribes them. I feel at least if I'm around I can monitor what's going on. I just dont know what to do anymore

It may seem impossible but take it one step at a time. It won't take forever, it will take time but unless you start the wheels in motion it will never happen.

See a solicitor then work out the steps you have to take to move forward. Always move forward, bit by bit and you will get there.

Doing nothing WILL take forever.

Book an appointment today.

Get the information and work it from there, post back here and people will help to work out next steps.

I understand your worries, but his threats to make things difficult are only that. Make plans, put money aside, gain paperwork and squirrel it away. Things will be tough but so much better once you're out of it. Disengage from him, grey rock, he'll get bored and find your inner resolve to get this done. Stay in the home with the kids, he will tire of it and move out (hopefully) but you need to follow through.

Thank you for your replies. I had seen a solicitor previously and she had advised divorce to force the sale of the house. I'd come so far and had lots of support then ended up staying with him at the last minute when he made me feel guilty and like I had no other choice. Ive lost a lot of the support now as people lose interest when you are going back and forth. Youre right though I need to get the ball rolling again it just seems like an impossible mountain with a potentially unhappy ending as I'll be separated from my kids for part the week. I'd be interested to hear how people cope when they worry about their exs having the children for weekends etc.

My ex went from 'I'm taking the children', to seeing them every few weeks, to not seeing them at all for years.

It would have been better for the children to have seen him more frequently, but he couldn't be bothered eventually. They got in the way of his dating life (there are five of them), and he couldn't find enough family members to farm them out with.

So, just because the court may order 50/50, doesn't mean it will stick.

True, hes kept regular contact with his other 2 but not 50/50, dont think he fought for it last time but feel he might this time. Just hate not knowing what they are up to and if hes shouting at them etc, feel although im miserable now at least I know what's going on. I know its not a healthy way to live though.