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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know whether to have the second date!

6 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 15/09/2019 18:28

Hi all.
I've been on my own for a very long time and been very happy, but thought recently that I would like to try a relationship and went on an OLD site. Been on a few dates but weren't meant to be. Had a first date with someone this week and he seems very down to earth and I was very attracted to him. We talked about a second date which I was happy about.
Prior to the date, we messaged through Whatsapp and a few times I had to hint about the amount of texting he was doing as it was ALL the time, although the content was absolutely fine. He seemed to acknowledge this OK.
Since the date, if I was to message back to every text straight away, the messaging would have been all the time. Was getting early morning texts too. They were getting pretty heavy, in my opinion, more like texts you'd send your new girlfriend of a couple of months. I felt a bit love bombed. This weekend he was going away with his friend (which was planned before our date, and I was pretty relieved to be honest as I hoped our 2nd date wouldn't be until next week) but he text me saying my friend said he wouldn't mind if I didn't go...I was like what?!! (in my head) so I replied with no you can't not go, seeing you in the week and maybe next weekend is fine.
So I text him yesterday saying that I really like him and that I think he is lovely but I was feeling a bit uncomfortable as his tests were pretty heavy considering that we've had one date. He replied with OK that's fine and sorry xx
The texts have since stopped which is fine and this morning I was going to message him to say how his weekend had been, but on reflection it's made me think that maybe I don't want a relationship after all.
I don't know if this is the case or that he's just put me off, and I don't know if I should go on that second date!

OP posts:
Originallymeonly · 15/09/2019 18:44

It's only a second date, no one's asking for your wedding plans!!
I couldn't specify when a series of dates becomes a relationship, but at any point you can say 'this isn't working for me, bye' you aren't committed to anything until you sign a legal contract for a house together or something!
Don't text him until he texts you, and see how things go, it's meant to be fun😁

crappyday2018 · 15/09/2019 19:31

I see this more and more. Especially meeting through OLD. Any guy I've dated has been like this - constant messaging and getting heavy quickly. Its obviously a red flag but I also wonder if, because OLD is such a minefield, when some guys finally meet someone they like they get carried away.
Either way, you've made your feelings clear. If it has put you off him then sack off the 2nd date. I don't personally think there is any harm in going but really it depends how you feel.

Missillusioned · 15/09/2019 19:35

A lot of people do the loads of text thing when OLD. Many people are texting more than one person and there is a perception that if you don't keep up contact youll get pushed out by someone keener.

It doesn't necessarily mean they are getting too serious

tierraJ · 15/09/2019 20:15

This happened to me with the last man I dated - by date 3 he was sending me multiple texts telling me I was his, he loved me & we were meant to be together!

Meanwhile I was still trying to decide if I felt a spark. So all the texting was really off putting! Anyway I texted him back & finished with him.

If you really don't feel it then avoid going on the second date.

Glitterb · 15/09/2019 20:28

If you are not feeling it then I wouldn’t push it any further. From my experience with OLD is that people do tend to seem more ‘keen’ but i think that is maybe due to the amount of time wasters etc and people tend to show their interest sooner? If that makes sense!

loveyoutothemoon · 15/09/2019 21:15

Thanks for all the replies, taking them all on board.Think I'll go on the date and see how it pans out. X

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