WWYD - new relationship

[Helpineed]

Ok long time lurker, first time poster.

Back story: was married, had 3 DC. Got divorced, started a new relationship, had my DS (12) but dad did a hike as not interested. Met current DP when DS was 1. Been together 11 years and have our own DS (10).

DP has become more abusive and nasty as time has gone on. Yes he has a couple of health problems and they impact on what he can / can’t do. He is not working, which helps me out as he is my childcare. I have a wonderful job which involves me working and staying away Monday to Friday. My DS (12) has Aspergers which DP finds incredibly challenging and this results in a lot of shouting. DP calls 12 yr old a lot of nasty names and I mean nasty, threatens him etc. Ds12 is not an angel and doesn’t make it easy tho. I am always trying to keep the peace when home. DP and I haven’t slept together for nearly 3 years. I have no desire for him but love him like a brother now.

My dilemma is that in between getting divorced and meeting current DP I met the most lovely guy and we had some fun together. I knew he was married but at the time I just wanted to be wanted ( after the divorce rejection and my sons dad disappearing). I severed contact when I met DP.

Recently the lovely guy has contacted me, to say hello. He’s now getting divorced. Not my fault tho. Just drifted apart from wife. I explained my troubles and woes and he has confessed he was so in love with me then and still is. He’s now offered me a chance at a new life with him. He is very comfortable financially so has even said I wouldn’t have to work unless I wanted to.

We are meeting on Thursday evening for a drink and a talk. I have a list of all the things I want to discuss. My top priority is of course my sons, and if a happy situation can be sorted all the better.

I don’t want to remain in a relationship whereby me and the boys are walking on eggshells but leaving my current DP would really break him

WWYD ?

he has confessed he was so in love with me then and still is

Aye right. This means "I remembered you and thought there might be a chance of a shag"

Put your son first. This means taking steps to leave your current BF who is abusive to him.

Jesus. I can't believe I even had to type that.

Look for another job closer to home and then use paid childcare. That's what single parents do.

I'd rather take a pay cut than leave my son in childcare with someone who is abusive to him (and what your DP is doing IS abuse). Some things are more important than money.

Dwp only sanctions your benefit if you don't comply with your back to work plan or miss appointments with your advisor aslong as your actively looking for work, applying for jobs and keeping your appointment with them which are set at once a fortnight most people manage this just fine.

Does this guy have children?

Don't mean to sound harsh but sounds like you make excuses for everything you leave your son for a week with someone you know is damaging to him there are plenty of options out there new job, a nanny, friends/family etc
You stay with a guy as he looks after your children for you to work what a reason to stay with someone for your convenience
You want to meet someone who had a affair with you a decade ago and haven't seen since while your married because he's messaged he's loved you all this time and you by sound of it have believed this not seeing the obvious he's getting divorced and looking for someone to stroke his ego and your willing to go running and believe him he couldn't commit to his wife what makes you think he will with you, and it's a decade later since you last saw this guy
You say it's not your fault he's getting divorced but believe me you probably played a small part ten years ago when you guys had a affair
I find the whole situation and your take on things baffling
My advice you need to leave dh if that's really how it is and how you feel prioritise your boys and be on your own for a little while

If you think you can up sticks with your child, or stay put and move new man in then you'll find another job, why can't you just find another job now?

OP says new man is stinking rich so she won't have to work if she doesn't want to.

OP it sounds a bit like you're using your DP as free childcare. You're putting up with a shitty relationship for both you and your DC for the convenience of live-in help.

Dump the DP, sort yourself out and worry about another relationship in the fullness of time - that doesn't mean moving straight in with this chancer who's offered you a fairytale. Your DC need stability and jumping out of one partnership into another won't give them or you that.

you leave your child alone with a man who verbally abuses him? and your worried about starting a new relationship

perspective required. kick him out and deal with your shit. find a new job even temp, whatever but why the hell would you leave your son with this man?!