Just broke up - am I doing the right thing?

[FlopsRevenge]

Background: I'm in my mid 30s with a DD age 7 from a previous relationship. Me and X split amicably when DD was 2, and I met DP a year later. We had loads in common, music, films, geeky stuff. Really got on great and when he met my DD, they also got on great too.

Skip to now, and we have been living together for the past year, and he's been great. Does dinner half the nights, shares the jobs around the house with me and shares the finances too. He also gets on with my ex and my DD.

The trouble is the longer he's been living here the more I resent having him in my space. His jokes I find irritating, I can't stand him touching me, I feel like I need privacy from him.

I know none of this is his fault. I just feel like the most ungrateful woman in the world. I found this epic guy, and yet I feel this way.

I broke up with him last night, and he's upset but accepting of it. I feel devastated, and so stupid. I read this board about all these awful men and can't believe that I'm not in love with this great guy that I've found. It is making me doubt myself, although I don't know if I can ever turn the feelings that I used to feel for him back on.

I'm breaking up my DDs family for the second time, as well as making myself poorer and under more pressure to run my home alone. I feel so guilty and and quite frankly a bit stupid.

Have I done the right thing?

He sounds like a great partner! Just not for you. Of course you've done the right thing.

If you're not in love with him then yes, of course you are.

Thanks Codename. He really is a great partner. I suppose the reality of breaking up is hitting me today. It seemed like the best course of action yesterday, today now I'm alone and facing telling DD soon, not so much.

He sounds like a good guy for someone, just not you.

You can't change how you feel.

Go easy on yourself.

Be kind to him too and don't mess him around.

You are just not feeling it.
Best to move forward without him.

💐

Cheers Billy, no I don't want to mess him about. I think that's why I'm posting here :) if I spoke these doubts to him it'd give him hope.

I actually know he's going to be fine without me. He's got a great friendship network and lovely family. I suspect he'll be married with kids within a couple of years from now.

That hurts a lot to think about, but I'm not sure it means that I love him enough to be with him.

If you feel this way about him after a year imagine it after 10 years - you’ve done the right thing and before your dd who no doubt is attached to him gets far too attached longer down the line.
You both need to move on.

I know. Thanks Cubed. I think I need to hear that it only gets more difficult if I tried to keep it going regardless. I think I am wishing for a magic wand that will change my feelings, and also just second guessing myself as I grieving much more than I expected. Literally can't stop crying.

Ah Flops, how are you feeling this evening?
It’s a huge change and a some unknowns as to what is to come so it’s normal to cry, be upset and maybe a little worried.

This is a process so it’ll take time. Be kind to yourself, acceptance will come in the end. Is there anyone you’re talking to in RL?

Just because you aren't feeling in love with someone, doesn't mean you can't love, admire and respect them.

That is not easy to let go of.

He must be a good man.

You found one great guy, no reason to think you won't meet another.

I've met lots of them and I have lots of friends married to really nice men.

You are very brave and decent to move on. Not always easy to give up a good man.

Let yourself feel sad for a bit and you will be fine.💐👍

Thanks for checking in on me guys. I hadn’t told anyone irl yesterday, but I have today, and it’s definitely made it easier.

Things are tense at home, but still kind and respectful. I guess he’s confused as he can see how upset I am over this. But I haven’t changed my mind. He wanted to know what he could do to change and make it better, and it was horrible because I didn’t have any answers.

I think coming on here helped me validate I’m doing the right thing. Although I was interested to hear if anyone had got past those feelings of dislike for someone.

I’m scared about even wanting to try another relationship again after this. I think I’ve frightened myself by getting something so “perfect” on paper and then still getting to this point.

Maybe that will change in time.

But in the meantime I’ve started to accept that this can hurt this much and still be the right choice. I guess I will just have a few more cycles of feeling very low again.

I’m hoping now a few friends know I can escape to them for a bit for support.