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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do with ex partner

8 replies

fairytalesdontexsist · 14/09/2019 23:51

I recently posted under a different name about the anxiety I was having about the relationship with my partner. Well the anxiety was out of control the last few weeks, I just knew something was up, nothing obvious but I just knew, call it a gut instinct I guess. I know him and his behaviours.
Well last night out the blue he ended it said he hasn't been happy for weeks..
Obviously I was absolutely devastated but also relieved to realise I wasn't going insane.
The problem I have now is that he is living in my flat, and can not afford to move out until the end of the month or in his words 'I've paid until the end of the month.' I did originally say that he could stay until then,wouldn't be easy but he's living in a city he's not from without a support network, but tonight he has come home drunk and started being verbally abusive at this point I told him he had a week to sort himself out and I want him gone.
He then came into the room I'm in and started to call me a cunt and how all this is my fault and I'm a horrible person for making him homeless, I then dropped it down to a day he has to leave, for context we both gave up drinking two months ago as it was becoming a problem with violent arguments, his attitude to me changed about a month after as in felt distant.
Would I be the biggest cunt in the world if I stuck to my guns and made him leave tomorrow. I don't want the next two weeks to be him getting drunk coming home and verbally abusing me

OP posts:
KellyHall · 14/09/2019 23:59

Get him out now. Give him a week to come back to collect his stuff.

Bollocks to anyone who thinks that sort of behaviour is acceptable.

fairytalesdontexsist · 15/09/2019 00:17

He's thankfully asleep in the spare room now, but yes he needs to be gone as soon as possible. I don't want to put him in a shit situation about it but this is my home and I won't be treated like that by anyone, was just checking that I'm not an arse as I know he's going to tell people a very different story

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 15/09/2019 00:24

You're not an arse.

Thatnameistaken · 15/09/2019 07:45

Tell him to leave, and if he starts verbally abusing you call the police. You do not have to tolerate that in your own home from anyone, let alone a man who has told you he doesn't want to be with you! There is a risk he could escalate if he realises you're just going to take his shit. Get him out!

AnoushkaBee · 15/09/2019 07:50

Get rid tomorrow! Give him a week to come and collect the rest of his things, at your convenience. Have someone with you when he comes.
I'd also ring 101 to log his behaviour tonight so they are aware there could be issues.

fairytalesdontexsist · 15/09/2019 10:27

Thanks for the replies, I have given him until Friday and have also said that if he drinks again whilst here he's out instantly. I'm just finding all this so hard because I don't want him to go, I never wanted the relationship to end

OP posts:
MrGsFancyNewVagina · 15/09/2019 10:32

Be careful, OP. I wouldn’t be at all surprised that he starts saying he made a mistake, can you both try again, etc. This will start when he realises he won’t have a nice home to live in, but will most likely end up in a shared house, etc. He’s liable to try to crawl back to you. Don’t fall for it. You don’t need him and you deserve much better. You’re worth more.

fairytalesdontexsist · 15/09/2019 10:46

He's not the sort to come crawling back,living in a shared house won't bother him he's done that before. Last night was unforgivable but it's also just so difficult having him here knowing everything as changed.

OP posts:
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