Lost

[Jezebel2104]

I don't know why I'm coming back on here,but I posted a couple of weeks ago about my relationship. Well I haven't ended it. He has been out at a memorial service for a friend that died, we done live together and I've not heard from him since this morning. He will have been drinking and snorting coke all day and probably most of the night. Why can't I just toughen up and end it. I pretend to be happy when I'm with him but I'm really not

It's easier said than done. When you're in a relationship you get used to that person being part of your life and the thought without them is 'out of the comfort zone' so to say.
Unfortunately as hard as it is you need to pull up your big girl pants and take the action to break away. Yes it will hurt, but in the long run you'll feel happier.
Don't ever stay in an unhappy relationship just because you don't know how to leave it. That will only lead to an unhappy life and cause more hurt down the line.
Do you have support? Family or friends who can provide support for you so they can maybe help with providing the strength to deal with this?
Put yourself first and be happy OP

Take a breath and take your time. It takes time to figure out what you will and won't put up with and you need to get your head straight before you go ahead and say anything. Funerals and memorials are hard on anyone emotionally but that doesn't mean they have to turn to drugs. Take a little time to think about your boundaries as far as that's concerned and then start making plans. You don't have to act in the moment and regret later. Time is on your side.

Thank you both. Yes I do have support. We have been together on and off for 28 years. I'm 53 and the thought of starting again scares me. I don't even dislike him, I'm just not in love and feel I have outgrown him. O had major drug problems years ago (he was my supplier) and I won't go down that road again. I feel stuck because I feel sorry for him. He says how much he loves my and how he has never been so happy and I just feel like a bitch

Don't you feel sorry for yourself?

The short term starting over is scary (and temporary). But is it more scary than the idea of dying at 83 having spent another thirty years living like this?