Separation and my rights

[Jackit2013]

Hello, I'm scared, bricking it, anxious and on edge.

In a nutshell my wife wants to separate and we have 2 beautiful kids. There hasn't been any cheating, or sinister acts that has caused the this, just a classic case of 2 people drifting apart. I however want to work it out cause I believe we can, my wife on the other hand is not willing. So, as difficult as it is, I'm accepting that. Now the big dilemma is where do we go from here - my wife suggested that I move out, but Im struggling to accept that as it's her that wants to split and not wanting to work through it. We joint own the house with mortgage. I'm the main bread winner, earning 3 times as much, and pay for all bills, food etc. But I could not afford to live else where and pay for the mortgage. My wife is the main carer of our children with me working full time. I spend all my weekends with the kids, a doting dad you could say.

What I really want to know is, what are my rights in this situation. My kids are top priority, but I need my home for them. If it ever went to court, could I be forced out my home? Would I still have to pay for it if I'm not living there (my wife could not afford it). If I wanted to split, I'd walk away, seems only fair. Only way out for both is that we sell the house, split the equity and part. My fear is that the law will be in favour of my wife. I'm so worried about this.

Any advice, comparable situations?

Hello sorry you are going through this. It doesnt seem fair that you should move out when she wants to end the marriage. It’s your home as well and you cant be forced out. Have you had couples counsellling ? Worth a try and at least if marriage sadly over it would help with splitting things. You’d have to sell house and go separate ways and she will need to get a job to pay her new mortgage! Main priority as you say are the kids - you could perhaps have joint custody if not too disruptive but i’d get some legal advice asap

Would you want 50-50 custody of your DC? If so, splitting the equity of the house and getting a home where you DC can stay with you half the week is fair.

Thanks all. Yes we had counselling but didn't really get anywhere, I wasn't happy with the councillor. Yes, I want 50% of the kids (more to be honest).

I'm presuming then I can't be forced out? Like I said, I pay for most things, all in bank statements, and the car is in my name ( which she wanted, that's another story!!)

I wouldn't move out either. Is there a spare bedroom in your house? Your wife should move to that room and look for work urgently.

You aren't expected to pay for her house and bills as well as your own but like most other couples you're probably stuck living together for a while.

If you go to the a child Maintenance calculator you can find out the minimum you need to give her for child maintenance. With regards to the equity in the house she'd probably get more than 50% as she has low income but the percentage depends on whether she makes a claim on your pension.

If she can't afford the mortgage then she's the one who'll probably want her share of the house equity so that she can move out. She'll be 100% responsible for the rent or mortgage on her new place. As the person with more money you could choose to live in your current home or move too. Probably depends if you can raise the money to pay your ex her share of the house equity.

If you're on the deeds and paying the mortgage you can't be forced out. She can't change the locks either.

Staying because it’s easier is no way to live

Selling the house and splitting it makes sense as does 50/50 and 60/40

The only option (other than working it out which is what I want and more than attainable) is to sell, split the proceeds and buy elsewhere. Unlikely IL be able to afford a place that's nice for.the kids in the same area as it's very expensive part of town.

What ever route is taken its going to be a bumpy ride and my heart brakes for my little ones.

Glad (from the info provided by you all) that it is unlikely IL be forced to move out.

Short answer: you need to get legal advice.

General answer : the courts start at a presumption of 50/50 and negotiate from there. Courts aren't punitive - ie: the settlement won't take into account who wants the divorce or any "bad behaviour" on either side. You are the high earner, and your wife may well be able to claim a larger share if she has put her career on hold to raise your joint children and so has lost the chance to contribute to a pension, build her earnings, etc. The welfare of the children is paramount - if she is the primary carer, then the court may decide that she requires a house large enough to accommodate them, and that will also factor in.

Can you honestly claim that you will be able/willing to do 50% of the childcare? That means holidays as well as term time, taking time off if they are sick, etc. If so, you may not have to pay child support.

Unfortunately, when a marriage ends for whatever reasons, it is unreasonable to expect that either of you can keep the lifestyle you are accustomed to. If you cannot afford to pay whatever financial settlement is ordered and keep the family home, then it will have to be sold. The judge is likely to say that you could realistically be expected to buy a cheaper house, and your wife could realistically be expected to start working. Be prepared to lose some of your pension too if your wife has been unwaged due to chiildcare. Whether the car is in your name or hers is irrelevant - it's an asset that will be shared.

Well, you can't share the same house indefinitely, so you'll have to come to some kind of financial agreement and sell up or buy each other out.

Your wife will be entitled to a share of the marital assets and you're both going to have to let go of some things. Don't fixate too much on any particular vision of the future: try to be flexible about what it looks like for you, so that you are open to solutions and not putting your own wants ahead of the dc's best interests and the best hope of an amicable split. After all, it's in no one's best interests to have massive legal bills if it can be avoided.

It is possible to be forced out with an occupation order etc.

The answers that you absolutely can't be forced out aren't entirely correct.

The court will start working from a 50/50 situation and go from there. If she gave up a career to do the childcare to further yours for example they may take that into consideration. As she's the primary caregiver they may decide that 50/50 wouldn't work in your situation (and bear in mind 50/50 means just that - holidays, sickness etc). The fact that it is the family home may be taken into consideration.

Basically there is no answer anyone online can give without you taking all your financial details and details of your split to your solicitor for proper advice.

Don’t leave the house, it is your house too. She wants to break up then she moves to the spare room or leaves

You need to see a solicitor. But I wouldn't move out, no. Stay put for now and see a solicitor.

You need to get legal advice.

Are you really going to be able to do 50/50 childcare? Who will look after them when you are at work or when they are sick?

If your wife is the primary carer of the dc now and earns less than a third of what you do can you genuinely make 50:50 work op? How old are your dc?