Not sure if I am being over sensitive?

[whatshallIdo1]

I have a relative who is loving but can also be short tempered and opinionated.

I have always known this and I am not perfect either. I am sure she would have a long list of my faults.

She has always been quite vocal about what she considers to be my parenting weaknesses, and while I know I am not a perfect parent, I have had to in the past set some boundaries, because I guess it is easy for her to criticise. However I also know that she loves my dc a lot, and wants what’s best for them.

However she recently went away with one of my dc for a couple of days, and during that time told her that she thinks my other two dc are rude, and apparently it’s because I have spoiled them. We also eat too many sweet things in her opinion, and she doesn’t know why I am not fatter than I am.

Maybe it’s just me but all this is quite annoying - her constant opinions - and why is she telling my dd?

Or is this just normal?

No, its not normal - its crossing boundaries on so many levels. She should keep her opinions to herself. Outrageous that she would make those remarks to your child! Seems the time has come for you to start being 'vocal' about some her shortcomings in relation to interfering!

How old is dc?

I'm just wondering how reliable their retelling is.

If DC mentioned several different puddings or cakes, and relative said 'oh it sounds like you have lots of lovely treats in your house, your mummy is lucky to be so pretty and slim' then that's quite different to 'your mum feeds you too much sugary crap, it's only a matter of time before she's a big fat porker', for example.

If DC was talking about something their siblings had said/done and she said 'gosh that does sound quite rude' then that's quite different to 'your brothers are annoying, badly behaved little shits'.

Ultimately she had taken your dc away for a few days, so personally I'd let it slide unless it really was awful.

God, of course you’re not being over-sensitive. The fact that she ‘loves’ your children is irrelevant. She is not their parent, and sneaky criticism of you and your other children to one child is outrageous. Tell her you haven’t the faintest interest in her opinions, that she’s overstepped the mark and made herself obnoxious, and doesn’t get to have unsupervised contact with your children again until she can prove she’s (a) apologised sincerely (b) learned to zip it and (c) regained your trust.

But then I'm a teacher and have seen colleagues tearing their hair out many times after pupils have told their parents a version of events that bore very little relation to reality.

But what the child reports sounds entirely in line with the direct criticism she’s directed at the OP in the past?

Of course it isn't normal and you aren't being oversensitive at all.

This person should absolutely not be criticising you to your child. That is completely unacceptable.

I would be making it clear to her that I was unhappy with this behaviour, and would make it known that my children would be making no further unsupervised visits to her. I would be present every time and would pull her up very sharply at every transgression.

The dc she took away is 15 and the other two are also teenagers. The relative is my sibling so maybe that allows them to criticise more ? The comments about sugary food are because we had all (me, all my dc, my sibling and their partner) been on holiday together and they had seen the food we had brought with us (a mixture of healthy stuff and some treats). Re the rudeness, my sibling sometimes clashes with the other two dc - they are teenagers, and she can be quite bossy and yes opinionated. Incidentally her partner is also opinionated. Nice, but opinionated.

My dd she was complaining to apparently told her to be quiet, so she must have felt uncomfortable.

But what the child reports sounds entirely in line with the direct criticism she’s directed at the OP in the past?

It’s true that she would be very direct with me too given the chance.

Honestly, don't let her take your DD away again. Her comments cross all sorts of lines and also place your DD in a very awkward and unfair situation.

Put a stop to it as of right now. Your DD has apparently already told her to put a sock in it so that should tell you that she is uncomfortable with the arrangement. Perhaps she wants to have your backing to ensure that it comes to an end.