Do I stay or go?

[ginandwineneeded]

DP and I made a plan to buy a house together nearly three months ago. We'd split up for a few days previously and then decided it wasn't what we wanted and got back together. We told my children and all quite excited as I love DP and we were both enthusiastic about the next stage. Two weeks ago he literally just went silent on me, barely saw him and there was just an atmosphere. Told me a week later he doesn't know if he can live with my kids. I have three. For context he is 11 years older and has no children and has always had what I'd call commitment issues. I've posted about stuff before under a different user name. Everything has just been going along, we haven't really talked about it. Last night the plan was for us to go out for a few drinks and then come back to mine as I didn't have the kids until late last night as they were with their dad. We ended up staying elsewhere with friends to drink and when I suggested going to this place he said well there's no
Point now, it's too late we'll just go back to yours. An hour later I said well are we going now, he kept yawning and I just said look do you want to leave it despite having bought nice stuff for dinner. Both got a bit drunk and he told others about his situation with the kids. My ex kicked off too as he wanted to drop back early and I wasn't home as he'd gone against the plan and started getting personal as he usually does. Then DP said to me this is why I never wanted this, I never wanted kids, I want to do what I want when I want go on holiday, go out etc He then went up to bed and told me to go home, leaving me with the others. I'd offered to go home before and said I'd walk but that wasn't good enough nor was the only taxi I could get at 12pm, so he just walked off and left me saying I wasn't staying with him. Also a girl told him I was bitching about him in the toilets when in fact I was talking about my ex having made trouble. We haven't spoken at all now today and it just feels like it's done. I love him and have done anything for him and will do. Where do I go from here?

It sounds like he doesn't want to be a stepdad. He wants to be single. Don't buy a house with him.

What's to love?

Why on esrth would you risk buying a house with a man who doesn't like your kids and is doing a very good impression of not liking you much either? Are you that desperate you will settle for shit?

How long have you been with him?
How old are your friends, that they run to him with gossip they overheard?

I'm not, nor ever have been a step parent, but it seems like it's a 100% all in, or nothing proposition.
Seems to me that if you do live with him, you'll be constantly trying to manage everything to try and reduce any sort of " stress" for him.
Doesn't seem like a partnership, really.

Walk away lass.

He's not going to be happy and he's being entirely dismissive of you and your feelings.

Also a girl told him I was bitching about him in the toilets yeah that sounds likely

Start putting your kids first, not that selfish knob head.
You deserve better dear x

He’s not for you OP.

Nasty guy and a liar. No good for living with your kids. He might be horrible to them.

He doesn't want to live with you because you have children. He doesn't want to be a stepdad. You ask whether you should stay or go - He's already told you the score. Any man who doesn't want your kids around is not even to be considered as a keeper. Notwithstanding the fact, in his mind he's left you anyway so you'd only be hanging on until he walks off.

When a man tells you his mind you need to listen, and hear what he's saying to you. Not what you choose to hear. He's been direct enough. He doesn't see you as a life partner for him. Move on.

He's not the only man in the world and your kids will grow older - they wouldn't thank you for being so desperate you'd keep on with a man who doesn't like them. & don't think they won't realise - they will.

But then he'll leave you soon enough anyway & it will be the best thing for you. Love yourself and your kids, in time you'll do better and meet better

But he doesnt want a life around children and you have children. Its not difficult to put your kids first.

Fuck that!

Fuck him off, let him find someone older who hasn't got children.

Put your kids first and start making happy memories with them.

He doesn't like your kids. I can't see how that can be overcome.

Thank you for all your replies. I've barely heard much from him. The thing is he's pretty good with them given that we don't live together. We were friends for about 16 months before we got together, I didn't introduce him to my kids until we'd been friends for a good six months. We've been on holiday together, he takes them out, has done school runs, spends time with them at home. We've even been on holiday together. Yes they're behaviour can be challenging and I sometimes freak out over it myself so I do get where he's coming from. He just goes hot and cold, I know I need to sort it out.