Not getting annoyed by other people

[Historyofmaggi]

None of us perfect.

Saying that how do you deal with or turn blind eye to other people's irritating habits, comments and behaviour?

There is always something... I get wound up quite easily as I focus on details and get hacked off when other behave obviously selfishly etc.

How can i learn to be more tolerant? Feeling easily irate is not doing the size of my friendship circle any good.

Maybe you could do with talking to someone professional about why you get so irate/angry. It sounds like you've lost a lot of friends over it, being angry all the time isn't healthy or good for you.

It's a question of why you let trivial things affect you.

Try to put them through a filter.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it bother you as soon as it happens.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it bother you 8 hours later? Is that because you're churning it over and concentrating on it?
If so, learn some mind techniques to shelve things until you have a set time to deal with them.

e.g. a remark winds you up. you give it a score out of 10, then in your mind, you put it in a box and close the box, telling yourself you will open that box and deal with it at a certain time the same day or the next day. If the remark starts churning around in your mind, put it back in its box, tell yourself this is not the time to deal with it, it will be dealt with only at the time you've already set. Keep doing that if it resurfaces and don't acknowledge it as needing to be dealt with until its allotted time.
At the allotted time, because you've delayed reacting to it, you can see it for what it is, just a stupid remark that's not worth bothering with. You'll see you have no need to be angry, you have no need to react to it.

It's a handy mental technique to have, it takes a bit of practise, but it's worth trying.

Are you very harsh on yourself? Most people I have met like this are very self critical. Once you accept yourself and your faults you accept others and have more empathy.

That annoying guy that bumped you in the queue? Maybe he just got sacked or dumped or is in pain. Everyone had stuff going on, not just you. With comments and behaviours, you have to let a lot of it go. It’s about them not you. Not saying take any abuse but just control your own reactions and let go of the rest. It’s not worth the energy, life is too short.

Are you very harsh on yourself? Yes, I'm super hard on myself.

BlankTimes I'll try the box technique, thank you.

BallacheForLife I have done CBT and talking therapy previously but it doesn't change my tendency to be quite 'sensitive'.

I do have empathy for annoying people as in 'members of the public' and can see they may have a hard day etc. It's more that I am unable to 100% trust friends. For some reason I have befriended a few women over the last decade or so who I had a really good connection with initially but who turned out abusive, manipulative, horribly gossipy and destructive. Probably a case for therapy to see why I am choosing these women as friends but I had to remove myself from them to get away from their mean and self centred behaviour. I am quite a good listener and have lots of empathy but find aggressive and territorial behaviour from so called friends so off putting. I usually end up being the supportive one but not receiving any support myself when needed. That really annoys me.

I would't say that I'm angry but I'm often frustrated and anxious. I am also probable quite needy although I don't show this side to others but I feel easily ignored.

Just turning into a grumpy old middle aged woman and I don't like it.

I am probably not very assertive.