Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Jealous Husband

9 replies

Onalake · 14/09/2019 10:34

I have a great relationship with a work colleague who is many, many years younger than me. I think he sees me as a mother figure as he does have issues at home, and I support and counsel him as such.

However, my husband has seen the easy and comfortable relationship I have with this boy, and has admitted that he is jealous. He says he didn't expect to feel as he does at his age, that jealousy is a young person's issue.

He has assured me that he doesn't want my relationship with my young friend to change or stop, and that it is his problem, but I feel sad that my husband is feeling like this. It has also had an impact on my friendship as I act differently if my husband is around.

I don't want to lose my friend, but feel for my poor husband who seems to think a middle aged overweight woman would be attractive to a 19 year old!

OP posts:

loveyoutothemoon · 14/09/2019 13:49

Your husband needs to grow up and you need to stop pandering to him, 'my poor husband', he needs to get used to it.

Justkeeprollingalong · 14/09/2019 13:50

He's being ridiculous.

YoungMummy94 · 14/09/2019 13:54

Definitely don't change your relationship with the young boy. You could be a lifeline to him at the moment, and offer him lots of wise advice. Your husband just needs to come to terms with it. I'm sure that you wouldn't feel the same way if the shoe was on the other foot!

Blamangeme · 14/09/2019 13:57

Jealousy isn't age related. Tell him that your friend sees you as a mother figure and you see him as a son. He has just got to act mature about this. Tell him you don't find jealousy attractive.

Hopoindown31 · 14/09/2019 16:59

I'd recommend reading 'Not Just Friends' by Shirley Glass to check whether your relationship with this young man is really crossing any boundaries before just plowing on regardless. I know it is the done thing to tell women on MN that they should ignore their husband's concerns about their relationships with other men, but maybe he has picked up on some emotional connections that you aren't aware of properly yet yourself.

Winterlife · 15/09/2019 05:38

It’s probably the emotional care, not physical, that is the cause of the jealousy. Give him extra care and attention, perhaps cook a favourite meal. Show him he’s the most important man in your life.

Omgitsaaliya · 15/09/2019 05:48

There is nothing wrong in that put yourself in his shoes if he had that kind of friend ship u would also say why and what’s so special in that friendship that ur that close u just have to keep that friend shop at work and keep it professional u don’t want to loose yourself and ur husband and ruin the peace t home for your colleague

Number3or4 · 15/09/2019 07:32

There is nothing wrong with showing empathy towards your husband. Is your relationship with this om really worth it? Yes, your colleague is 19 years old, which means he is legally am adult. Your intentions toward him might be innocent but it is damaging your relationship with your dh. If I was you, I would ask myself is the relationship with the young man really worth it the damage it is causing your dh?

Deathraystare · 15/09/2019 08:00

There is nothing wrong, but... look at it from his angle. If the shoes were on the other foot - a much younger woman friends with your husband - would you be ok with that|? Your husband has been honest enough to admit it is his problem so presumably he is ok about it but just can;t help his feelings.

Flip