No marriage/no kids

[Rcfm]

I've been with my partner for 7 years and we have a 5 year old together, I have recently brought up marriage/another kid and he doesnt want either. We have had numerous arguments about it and it really upsets me. He says he might want to get married one day but might not and as for kids he really doesn't want another and doesn't see his mind changing. I don't want both of these things right now but I do want them in the next few years or to be engaged at least.
I feel like I'm just hanging about waiting to see what he wants to do and have thought about ending things with him. I do love him so much but if he doesn't want the same things as me and I really do then what's the point?

What did you discuss about marriage and children when you were first dating and when you decided to have your first DC? Has he always been pretty sure he doesn’t want to marry and have more children?

He’s just as right not to want these things as you are to want them. But if you know that this definitely isn’t something you can compromise on and will lead to resentment in your part then you need to lay it out straight to him that if this is really how he feels then you want to separate so you have a chance at a family with someone else. Of course, part of that is going to involve a decent assessment on your part of whether you want to take a gamble, as there are no guarantees of another child with anyone else anyway.

Our daughter was a surprise but nice surprise at that lol! Before that we hadn't really discussed marriage/kids to be honest. When she was about 1 he would make comments about more kids but nothing too serious and I was like no chance not yet I'm just getting the hang of this and we would laugh. It has only been recently these conversations have became serious and I understand he can have his own opinion about them as well but it just hurts so much knowing that as long as I'm with him the things I really want I probably won't get.

So your title is somewhat misleading since you actually have a child together .

It should be no marriage, no more kids

It doesn’t sound like marriage is something you discussed seriously, so you can’t be angry with him for not wanting it. If it something you definitely want then you need to decide if it’s something you want more than the relationship with him.

As for more children, both of you are entitled to change your minds on the subject and it can be painful for the other to take. Like the marriage question, you need to think about whether your single child is ‘enough’ or whether you want to try and pursue another relationship in the hope of having a sibling for her.

Best of luck

Sounds like you're on different pages in life. Question is, is this a dealbreaker for you?

Don't hang on hoping he'll change his mind, only hang on if you can be happy as is.

Yeah I think we are on different pages and yes I feel like this could be a dealbreaker for me as selfish as it may be.
I don't think il be happy as it is, I'm just scared that il make the wrong choice ending things or I could also make the wrong choice staying and not getting the things I would like in my life.

You are definitely not going to get the things you want in this relationship.

You might in another.

You need to decide what is more appealing.

Are you financially secure, by yourself?

It's not selfish to want to take a particular path in life. It's sad when ways diverge, but you only have one life to lead. More selfish to try to push someone into your own mold.

Are you protected financially given you’re not married?

He says he might want another child in a few years, he might not same with marriage so it seems like if I want to stay I just to wait about to MAYBE get the things want in life.

I have a full time job and some savings so I suppose so.

If you do want marriage and one another child then it will not be with this person. You and he are on different pages entirely.

How old are you both?

Thing is, he can put off more kids into his dotage. You, otoh, have a limited time frame of fertility.

If you stay, he may never be "ready".

He might also just be saying it to keep you around.

If he doesn't want to marry you after seven years and one dc, what's going to change that?

If he wanted to marry you at all, you would have spoken about it in 7 years. You would at least know marriage isnt important to him. Even if no deep and meaningful conversations about it..
The same with kids.

Dd may have been a surprise, but surely, before throwing all your eggs in his basket, you discussed these things.

Am I right in thinking you don't work or work part time and live in a house in his name only?

You really should have discussed all this earlier and personally I wouldn't have had a child without being married but that's just me and obviously it's too late now!

Firstly, you need to consider your financial position here, especially if you don't work and he owns the house. You're quite vulnerable at the moment.

Secondly, you need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you or not. If it isn't, then you could just drift on forever as you are and MAYBE you'll get married and MAYBE you'll have more kids or maybe you won't. If it is a dealbreaker, then you need to put a clock on it. Tell him that by x age you want to be married. If he's not up for that then you need to stick to the clock and walk away. I get it's hard to leave an otherwise good relationship 'just' because you're on different pages but you don't want to end up resentful.