Help me become low maintenance

[Whoops75]

We’re in the thick of a family shit storm.

Ds17 is having MH issues
Dd10 is anxious because of them
Dh is crazy busy with study & work.

I’m feeling like the forgotten glue.
This is all going on ages, 5 yrs in total.
Just before it began my best friend died, I had held her hand during her 22 month battle.

I’m battle weary but still want to kick dh arse for not seeing we’re growing apart!
He think once things settle we’ll be ‘fine’, all his plans are long term.

I still want to enjoy life because I know it’s precious and I feel for the first time in 25 years like I’m checking out of my marriage.

Any advice?

Don't become low maintenance! That sounds like you want to adapt to cope with everything life has thrown at you. Be bold and be loud. Love and live your life. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but please don't lose yourself in the shitstorm of your life xxxxx

Agree, don’t become low maintenance.

The ultimate responsibility for your physical and mental health lies with you. So you need to carve out your own life, financial independence, career, exercise, interests, friendships etc.

But you also need to be respected by your family. Don’t be the invisible “glue”. Insist that all of them recognise and value what you do for them and understand that sometimes you need nurturing too.

Don't erase yourself and your needs.

Get support from your gp/a counsellor.

Speak to your dh about how you're feeling.

I'm so sorry about your best friend .

Thank you all,

I’m so confused about what I want.

I think it’s been so long since I felt carefree I’m trying to fake it until I make it.
I want more intimacy and fun in my relationship but dh feels things are fine.
I’m trying to put everything going on into different boxes in my head instead of them being all jumbled up.
Maybe it’s impossible
I think I’ll go to my GP my head is so busy trying to break out of the crap.